Sick

I am still sick. If I'm still sick Monday, then it'll be my third week being sick. I'm down with cough, runny nose and random headaches. How long will this torture last? It's already difficult enough to fall asleep, and now even walking short distances causes me pain.

How glamorous my life is.

Jingting, Jennifer and Carolyn invaded my house today. My room is now in chaos and I am left to do with all the cleaning up. Jingting was the craziest today, and I doubt she'll ever be that crazy again. And when I say crazy, I really DO mean crazy.

Some pictures from the Nepali wedding (at Australia):



Carolyn and Jingting said I look very fat. :( Because it's belly-baring, and can see my stomach. Aiyah :( Can't be bothered with "You are fat" comments anymore.

I know I look stupid in the first photo. Btw, I reaaaaaally love the yellow skirt! It's so swishy :D

And I was forced to dance!



Shall not provide anymore pictures. And there's even a video, omg omg omg T___T

There are more pictures but this is just a sneak preview :P

And then the outing with my parents and Uncle Bhim :) Oh yeah, he's the vice-principal of Tampines North Primary School. :D Which is pretty near to my secondary school, so he knows who Mr Ee Chye Heng (my school's principal) is and apparently, they do keep tabs on me. Geeeee. :(



Yeah yeah whatever. I'm wearing a tube because it was very hot that day. I know that you should cover up more on sunny days, because of UV rays raising the chance of skin cancer but I seriously couldn't be bothered. It was cooler for me anyway. I know I am flat. So stop it with your negative comments. :D



Impromptu picnic at some random grass patch! :D



My dad is so sexy, woooooo ~



All started slacking, except for me. HAHA. I was snapping away like crazy.



I know I look damn ugly here but omg my mum's face is priceless. :D



Jennifer says this picture is damn scary cus of my back bones. HAHA.





Alright, that's about all. I've given a sneak peek for the Nepali wedding, and blogged about the outing trip already! :) So now I'm left to do the post for Nepali wedding, Muslim wedding and then the civil wedding. Haha, their marriage date is on the 14th of February!

Bye guys :D

For you are the king of wishful thinking

Had to perform during Lit class today! I was okay, I guess. Except that I fidgeted a lot. I know because Ms Nah recorded all our performances and showed us. And apparently, we are supposed to perform for this lunchtime performance thingy going on in East View? It's scheduled on the 10th of March, and I seriously hope this will get canceled because I am petrified of performing in front of big audiences.

And I was very noisy today. Ms Nah was asking the class what did they like about our group's performance and there was total silence for a while, and I shouted "THEY LIKED ME!" Nobody responded. How sad :(

Anyway, some pictures taken during F&N. Using my own assigned laptop. :D














Maggie mee fingers, hair and face! HAHA.

Um I was very bored. It's quite obvious, right?

Nobody wanted to take distorted pictures with me, because they say it is very ugly and will "lose face". Awwww :( I can't be bothered with my appearance anymore, lol :x Carolyn was constantly rolling her eyes at me. HAHAHA.



During camp! :) Eh I know my face very fat lah, stop staring :(

I've finally transferred all the Australia's photos. Give me a few days to photoshop them before I blog about them :D

Btw I really like this hoodie of miiiiiiiiine:



Ok bye!

So stand in the rain, stand your ground

Edit -

To be fatally honest and straightforward with you [you know who you are], I don't know what I want from you and I don't know what you want from me. What could I want with you, the boy that everybody knows is no prize, but somehow I feel convinced that there's something lurking there behind your childish smile and simple-minded comments. Because you turned to me and told me, "I think I'm in love with you." Does that rationalize everything that's happened so far? In my heart, in my life?

I don't know what it is, I just cry sometimes. Maybe I'm just so oblivious to the things going around me, that I don't realize that I'm hurting as much as I am, so when the tears stream down my face and I don't have anything to say, don't ask me why I'm crying, because I simply don't know. Just hold me, I just want to be held (not applicable to everyone).

-

Gee... my blog is seriously suffering from a severe deprivation of pictures, but I can't be bothered anymore. I officially have no life. Everyday = study, study, study. No time for play... besides coming online and taking a break from studying.

Proof: After returning from Australia and unpacking my luggage, I left my slippers in my room, telling myself to bring them down whenever I go out. So far, it has been 2 weeks since I've returned and till now, my slippers are still rotting in my room = I've not stepped out of the house once I've come back home from school. Not even during the weekends.

See? Told you. No life. I lack social interaction. I am turning into a social pariah. I am isolated and secluded and outcast from the outside world. HAHAHA.

Anyway, I have an important issue to address today (act professional only -_-).

Which is, the obscene number of confessions made to me ever since my break up. -_- Okay, for the sake of my sanity, I shall list out the reasons why you should not have me as a girlfriend:

1) I am very demanding.
- Seriously. I like my boyfriend to serve me... literally. SO, unless you want to turn into a slave... :)

2) I am very pragmatic.
- Thus, talking to me would often make you end up super frustrated.

3) I am very whiny.
- I whine. A lot. On a daily basis. Your ears will die.

4) I am awfully straightforward.
- Which means I can be quite tactless sometimes and hurt your feelings. In my dictionary, sometimes = often.

5) I am a very [physically] sick person.
- I get sick very often and I'll pass my sickness to you. This is bad.

6) I am more emotional than you.
- I cry easily at the slightest remarks.

7) I am very boisterous.
- I'll irritate you to no end with my endless laughter and [lame] jokes.

8) I am a huggy person.
- So I'll hug other guys even if I'm attached to you. Because hugs are not an intimate physical contact, but apparently, to everyone, it is a sin to hug someone, especially someone of the opposite sex, when you are attached. So if you get jealous easily, don't.like.me.

Aiyah I can't think of more. You can ask all my previous boyfriends about what a disaster girlfriend I was.

And no I am not boasting. :)

I mean, I also do not get it why I am asked out :/ I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not attractive and yes I know maybe they are not superficial and go for personality instead, but most of them are just people I knew recently, so how would they know how I really am?

Aiyah, don't want to elaborate so much on it. Anyway, that is why you guys shouldn't persist on asking me out anymore, because you'll drown in regret later. Like how my previous boyfriends did. :D

Oh and I am very irritated with a bunch of random people telling me that I look "skinnier". Even my teachers. Ms Nah was like, "Have you lost weight?" And I'm like.... gee, why is everyone saying that? Well, not literally everyone but you get what I mean!

Kk bye. I am going to study now (see, no life).

Before you tear me apart,

look me in the eye,
and lie, lie, lie.
- David C

(Youtube "One year from now". Total awesomeness.)

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, Cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish i would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things i've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess i've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause i'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?

Sorry

for the lack of updates.

I am currently in a very emotional state of mind, see. The only thing I can reveal is that a bunch of personal matters happened consecutively and it is stressing me out so much because I have no idea what to do about them.

Okay, I do know. Just that I don't wish to go that particular way because I am illogical and naive and I am afraid that if I let go of this chance, I might be letting go of something and someone really precious.

And hurt a bunch of other people while at it too.

So... if you've managed to comprehend whatever I'm saying, then you can tell that I'm really in a fix and all these situations are befuddling me to no end. :(

Meanwhile, my blog shall remind stagnant. :) I have a mini-blog though, Plurk. It's right there on the sidebar. Read it if you want. It's filled with my mindless ramblings. :x

Bye! :)

(P/S: Btw, I am just curious - why do girls who repeatedly claim that they are ugly bother to post up pictures of themselves? I mean, if you think you are ugly, then you wouldn't want to show everyone your face already right?)
(P/S/S: Oh! And why do girls who also repeatedly claim that they are very fat bother to post up bikini pictures of themselves? Same reasoning as above. WHY?! So confusing.)

Fuck illogical reasonings

I am seriously fucking PISSED.
Just because I have 5 previous relationships does not imply that I'm a desperate slut just looking for a fucking good time! What kind of shit reasoning is that? I'm just looking for love. I might be too young to start, or to even find a good man at all, but you know what? I just want to gain some experience along the way. I am willing to fully commit myself to a relationship, but if the guy falls out of love with me, what can I do? Make him fall back in love with me? Impossible. Love is love and forced love is not love.

Oh, and I like to hug people. Whats the big deal with hugging people? Or to be more specific, HUGGING GUYS? Does it means that I'm fucking them? Am I making out with them? NO. I'm just fucking HUGGING them. It doesn't mean a THING, it doesn't imply that I like them, it doesn't imply ANYTHING but the simple fact that I LIKE THEM AS A FRIEND, SO THAT IS MY WAY OF SHOWING MY LIKE FOR THEM. I am not going to use affection here, because I know people will misjudge my words and jump to fucking stupid conclusions again.

So what if it's not the norm for girls to hug guys (in Singapore, anyway)? It isn't a slutty act, it isn't a flirty act. I'm sorry that some girls are just that conservative and refuses to let a guy touch them. I'm sorry that I like giving out hugs, because I find it something that might cheer up a person's day. I'm sorry that I'm a huggy person. (Seriously wtf?)

And what the fuck is wrong with a girl going out with a guy alone? Does it mean that they're attached? I'm just comfortable with guys, and what's so wrong about that? I'm sorry that I was brought up differently from you guys, I'm fucking sorry that I am so comfortable around them that I can even joke about sex with them. Emphasis: JOKE. I'm not hinting them that I want to have sex with them, please. I'm not horny, neither am I desperate for a good time. I'm not interested in pre-marital sex too, or casual sex, whatever it is. I might be a little more knowledgeable in the sex department, but that is simply the consequences of living in a mainly-boys-environment.

Oh, before you guys say anymore SHIT, I am not self-praising myself here. It's just that there are too fucking many STUPID RUMOURS flying around that don't even have a single tinge of TRUTH. It's all people jumping to conclusions, self-assuming, self-judging, and self-concluding. WHY CAN'T I DEFEND MYSELF THEN?

And seriously, stop talking shit. I don't know how the fuck could I get 26 for my EL compo either. How the fuck could you, or ANYONE ELSE, blame me for being a teacher's pet? Jesus, I was (and still is) ALWAYS good at EL. I had NEVER failed a single compo. Or exam. Even so, I'm sure Ms Tan is not as bias as to give me a higher mark just because I'm the class chairman. Yes, she DID write 25 on my script initially. Then she wrote '6' over '5'. But even so, whats the difference? It's just one mark, and I would still be the highest in class and level anyway.

Yes I know a lot of people who had read my compo, half of them say the most I should get is probably 23-24, another half say I deserve my marks. But who am I to judge?

I'm sick of explaining myself over and over again, and stop with all your judgmental shit. You might know me in reality, but you don't know everything about me; you don't know ANYTHING at all. So shut your gab and leave my life alone. Am I really THAT interesting? Pffft.

Seventeen

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you want to go. If you're faced with a choice and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walking till you find the window. If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile. But more than anything, more than anything... my wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you always know somebody loves you.

(As you can tell, I am very sad today.)

Tonight my heart was broken,

I am a lot of things but a hypocrite is not one of them.

I AM IN A STATE OF CONFUSION

I was happy, sad, angry, frustrated and totally suicidal today.

Like, seriously.... my life has been an emotional wreck lately. Been jumping from one mood to another.

Don't feel like talking much either. But I jabbered a lot today though, was so happy with my Valentine's Day's gifts and all. :) Thanks Jingting for the sweets, thanks Jasmine for the cupcakes and the card, thanks Alicia for the card, thanks Osborn and Yuankai for the teddy bear and thanks to the people who've wished me Happy belated V Day and thanks to whoever have willingly hugged me back when I said "HUG!!!" :D

Sidetracking, I think I am becoming a bit like Jennifer - being happy while depressed. See, perfect example of negative peer influence... :x

Oh yeah I have something to say though.

MY ENGLISH COMPO GOT A WHOPPING 26/30.

Hehehehe. :D Let me be a braggart for today, k? It is not very often I get such good marks. A lot of people claimed that Ms Tan was biased though (as in like, since I am the class chair[wo]man and she thinks well of me) :/ And that's why I got such high marks. Tsk, some people can be so tactless and hurtful sometimes.

I don't understand why there MUST be people to shoot you down whenever you manage to achieve something, even if it's not a big thing (like this, for example).

Sheesh I am so depressed. Everybody hates meeeeeeeee. :(

(P/S: I am so ugly too. Most of the people who saw me with my new fringe says I look weird. Only a few say I look cute. Shall kill myself.)
(P/S/S: Oh yeah I hate myself soooo much why am I such an IDIOT and always rush into things and end up hurting others?! Omg WEILING YOU SHOULD JUST DIE.)

Wheeee

HAPPY (BELATED) VALENTINE'S DAY TO EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME! :D
HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY TO HO GUO XIONG! :D :D :D

Thanks! :D Sorry I couldn't wish you guys back on time, cus yesterday was the main wedding and I simply had no time to come online at all, and sorry for not replying emails! NO TIME! :(

I am going back today, my flight's at 4.30pm and I'll be arriving at approximately 9.05pm and I'll be back to school the next day!

So bye for now! Need to pack need to pack need to packkkkkk

(PS: My aunt chopped off my fringe, and now I look soOOoOOOoooOOOooo ugly!)

Darkness seeps into your skin

Hahaha.

I am so 'maniacally' amused.

You know, saying that I don't deserve to be top for EL; that's a foolish thing to say. It is an achievement, it is MY achievement, and I don't need anyone to come up to me, say that my EL is horrendous, and then claim that I DON'T DESERVE TO BE TOP.

Reason being that I use Singlish all the time and on my blog, my EL is so "Singaporean-ish".

WELL. I am sorry that even though I do not bother to speak well at all, it does not affect my EL and I still can get top. I am sorry that I CAN'T BE BOTHER TO PORTRAY ANY PROFESSIONAL SIDE OF ME AT ALL, YET I CAN STILL BE TOP.

It's not just luck that I managed to get top. Granted, I didn't study and I didn't bother to revise EL for my exams. Does this imply that I do not deserve to be top? Is it MY fault that I have a NATURAL flair for EL? Is it MY fault that there are other people who are just one or two marks below my marks? I WAS NOT LUCKY; this is just merely called THE FRUITS OF ONE'S HARD WORK.

I read everyday, and I look up words everyday. THAT IS SIMPLY HOW MY ENGLISH BECAME, NOT EXCELLENT, BUT AVERAGE. Average. I am not satisfied with my standard for EL, and I know that there are people who are BETTER in EL than me. But somehow, I managed to do better than them and got... top. :)

And what do you mean by my blog is so "Singaporean-ish"? Are you being discriminatory against Singaporeans? Are you trying to imply that Singaporeans' EL are horrendous?

Omg, I am trying not to be uncouth but you know what? GO SUCK A WEENIE. And if you're so unhappy with me topping, WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO TOP THIS YEAR? Coveting for my award so much eh. And talking a load of bullshit. Tsk. Uncivilised barbarian.

HIIII FROM AUSSIE

Hello guys! :D

I am currently residing at Australia, Perth, my aunt's house :) So I have internet connection and I've emailed so many people but nobody is replying me, WHYS. :( Nobody loves me!!! Or misses me. FINEEEEEE. :(

The weather is nice here - though it's hot, it isn't exactly humid. So there's lots of wind, but there's lot of sun too... it kinds of balances out. And the wind is really cold! And the sun is really hot at the same time!! Okay, I am so contradictory, HAHAHA.



Beautiful sunset :) Really, simply breathtaking and it was so nice. I have more pictures, but I'm LAZY. Haha, this should be enough!

Alright, BYEEEEEEE. :)
Send me emails okie.

Hehehehe

HI GUYS.

I AM LEAVING FOR THE AIRPORT IN LIKE... 7 MORE HOURS? THIS IS SO EXCITING. I WILL BE AWAY FROM SCHOOL FOR 1 WEEK. I AM GOING TO MISS 1 WEEK OF WORK. I AM GOING TO MISS THE PHYSICS TEST, CHEM TEST, SS TEST AND MT TEST. I AM GOING TO NEED TO REVISE A LOT WHEN I COME BACK, BUT THAT'S OKAY!!! :D

Really, really irritated with all the packing I have to do though. I hateeee packing. That's one of the reason why I hate camps too -_-

I'm bringing tons of school work over to Australia too, so I can study whenever I have the time to. See? I am so hardworking (hah).

ALRIGHT, MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE POSTING FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK. DEPENDS IF I CAN GET INTERNET CONNECTION. :D

BYEEEEE, YOU GUYS!
Tag me loads k!!! And MAIL ME LOVE LETTERS (oi Maggie and Huishan you two still owe me letters)!

TA!

My one and lonely

Got the award for Top in EL today. I was so close to getting top for Lit. Ms Rahayu lied to me!! :( :( :(

Had lunch at Cafe Cartel, it is super yummy. Jenny and Lynny came to my house afterwards - we were supposed to revise SS but it ended up like this....



I am the coolest ahlian ever.

I am a child, I refuse time

Edit:

My personal msg on MSN was "I showed you my heart. Then you showed me your door."
Shortly after, Wenkai's personal msg changed to "i showed you my lungs. then you showed me your hair"

HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

-

I have about 40 more minutes to go till tuition, so short post!

I am super depressed, I swear. :( I thought I was like, (___), but I guess I wasn't. And now everytime I (_____), my heart feels like it's sinking and tearing, bit by bit. It's like this short, sharp pain right in your chest and it spreads to your entire body and it's difficult to walk, much less focus on more important stuffs.

Now I can't wait for Saturday to come, cus I'll be leaving for Australia. One week away from Singapore, away from the source of all my troubles. How I wish I could stay in Australia forever and never return. Even if that is the easy way out (and cowardly way), but a girl can only tolerate so much. Right?

BTW MY FLIGHT IS AT 9AM. IF ANY OF YOU GUYS WANTS TO MEET ME FOR THE VERY LAST TIME (till the next week HAHA) THEN SEND ME OFF OKIE. WAKE UP A BIT EARLIER ON SATURDAY ONLY. :(

-

Had bowling for enrichment today. I could have left earlier but I left my bag and books in 304. Had to wait for 304 people to come back. It feels rather surreal that I'm already in secondary THREE. Not soon before long, I'll be graduating and then working and then married to Alex Evans.

Am really depressed now. T___T

Oh yeah I have SS, Physics, Chem and MT tests next week. So I either have to complete all of them by this week or the week after next week. So annoying.

Shall go cut myself now.

Bye!

We

had a flame (it burned fierce).

It is now vanquished.

Miaow

Walked to school today - nice, cold breeze. Jennifer finally printed out my photos :)



My noticeboard is so pretty now. v^^v Hahaha.



Free calender too.

Oh yeah, went to KFC with Carolyn after school. She asked me to tutor her indices, and I was like, "Sure!" Since I've already learnt it. BUT WHY IS IT SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN THE QUESTIONS I DID DURING TUITION? Anyway, then I was asking her, "So... what do you not know?" Guess what she replied, its so classic.

"I don't know what I don't know."

So ironic right.

-

Ah, anyway. Just like to clarify that going out with a guy does not imply that I am attached to him. It also does not imply that I am a slut and that I am desperate for a new boyfriend. I'm just comfortable with both girls and guys, so what's your problem with that?

A little teasing is fine, but you're going way overboard. Okay, I can already predict your reply - that I must be a flirt, thats why I'm comfortable around guys. That's not true, and seriously, DO YOU KNOW ME? DO YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO JUDGE ME?

NO. YOU. FUCKING. DON'T.

Why I'm comfortable around guys is because ever since I was in primary school, my friends were mainly guys. During primary school, I was ostracized by all my female counterparts (okay, not all. I still had some female friends). Just because I was UGLY. For those who had seen my ezlink card picture, you would know.

And how superficial is that? I've never really liked having female friends from then on. Most of them were hypocrites, superficial and judgmental. I can only remember having Joyce, Carrie, Ashley, Amanda, Gladys, and Sheena as my female friends. The rest were just guys.

You want proof, I give you proof. These few bits are extracted from my 2005 - 2006 blog (I AM NOT GOING TO PUT THE URL HERE, CUS ITS DAMN EMBARRASSING. I TYPED LIKE A TWIT. ONLY ALBERT AND A FEW OTHERS KNOW THE URL.)

I was readin my friend's blog and she said, "everyone said i dun lyk weiling so i dun friend her oso" OMG OMG OMG...didn't noe me so hated one...sobz
Oh well, at least I know now..

THIRD just have to be Jodi. Even though she called me lame, and b!tch, who cares??

Sean HAD to ruin my game experience. Maple, is what I am talking about. He first told everyone this, "EDIONEAL IS A SCAMMER!! SHE SCAMMED MY RED WHIP!!" Which is a total LIE and such a FAKE. Sobz. THEN that stupid Sean said that I called his house and anyhow confront ppl.

I'm so tired. I feel like something had pierce my heart and left it bleeding or something. I feel pain. Like someone, or something, hates me. Oh, why am I so hated? I mean, most of the girls are like, "Don't sit here!" or "WAH LAO LA YOU B!TCH!". Seriously, I got to admit, the boys treat me better. And I am not a flirt. I just mix around, ya?

Ok, I think...that I am.....
Hated by all the girls.
In my class.
Because they think I am a freaking idoit, a selfish do-gooder, a liar, a nerd and a bad friend.
They think I have a bad attitude and think that I lie everytime.
So, I have finalised this.
I will never ever have any friends ever. You know why?? Becoz they misunderstood ME. They think I am a selfish brat, a snobbish snob and a braggart. Well, I'm not. I try to understand everyone and right now, my life is in the pits. Dragged down into nothingness....my life can never be fufilled. I finally get it. Now I know why I am always being teased.
Because I am not meant to be here.
Because I am not good enough.
Because I am universally hated.
No, I finally relized that I am not meant to happy. I am supposed to be sad and slog all my life,without any friends........without any support, without any sunshine!!
So, my life is friendless.....and I shed a tear on it.
No, I am not gonna shed a tear over this. I gonna cry my heart out, until my eyes are soggy red, and until I am dead. Then all my unhappiness will leave me and I finally feel peace....at heart, at mind and at body.

GAH, WHO DO YOU PEOPLE THINK I AM?!?!?!?! SOME KIND OF STUPID PERSON??? WELL, IF YOU THINK SO, GO AND HANG YOURSELF!! I AM NO LONGER YOUR TOY TO PLAY WITH AND NO, I AM NOT GONNA BE STOMPED ON! I NEVER GONNA BE A SLAVE TO YOUR WISHES AGAIN AND NEVER AM I GONNA BOW YOU AGAIN! I HAD IT WITH YOU AND I AM NO LONGER GONNA PUT UP WITH YOUR WHINES AND COMPLAINTS! GO AND FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER DUMMY TO PLAY WITH, AND I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REPEAT MYSELF??????? I DUN WANNA BE A USELESS BEING WHEN I GROW UP NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA BE GREAT AND INDEPENDENT AND ABLE TO KICK ASSES WITHOUT FEELING BAD OR GUILTY, GET IT?!?! LEAVE ME ALONE TO WALLOW IN MY GRIEF, PLEASE!!

But alas, this class is also judgemental. It likes to judge people by the cover, and one good example is ME. Everyone hates me, for goodness sake! So they judge people. Really, judging people means you are an ignorant and stupid person! Why judge? She/he might be a kind person at heart but is not pretty. Doesn't means she ugly means she evil! SO STOP JUDGING. People who judge are IDOITS. OMG, since when did I become like the maths teacher?? Better stop saying that! *zipped mouth* Anyway, I think 6/6 is a wonderful and amazing despite all the noticeable flaws. No class is flawless. Not ever, not NOW.
So stop boasting, I hate it and I spit on it. No kidding, and I'm SERIOUS!"

Some friends really think they are the best friend around. My ex-best friend, now friend, accused me of saying "dumbass", when I was saying "dumbass" to Bryn, and she said I was talking to her. Hello?? SHE was the one that called me and said that MY attitude SUCK and that I make a HELL friend, who doesn't even know how to keep a FRIEND. She said that my inflence on her is BAD and that I just don't give her good vibes to her.
Well, have she ever looked at HERSELF? I mean, I AM the one that is always trying to be good to her, and since she is my best friend, she SHOULD know that I am kinda IMPATIENT and HOT TEMPERED. I borned under the FIRE sign, OK?!?!
Ok, now you are probably thinking, "Just because you are borned under the fire sign, it isn't any EXCUSE."
Whatever. Think ALL you want, I don't fucking care. I'm in a BAD mood now, and when I'm in a BAD mood, WATCH OUT, OR ELSE YOU SEE YOUR FACE GETTING SOCKED.
Well, have she ever look at HERSELF?
First, she always BLAME me. Second, she thinks she is a BIG SHOT. Third, she thinks she I'm shit.
Well, I don't fucking care! Just becoz I am NOT a good friend sometimes, doesn't mean I am a stupid idoit!
GOD, SAVE THIS KID.
My gosh, I am so MAD now!
GRRR GRRR GRR. AND THIS MUSIC IS AIN'T HELPING ME NEITHER.
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, FRIENDS ARE STUPID.
I SAID SOMETIMES, OK? SO DON'T HATE ME. I'M ALREADY HURT. MY HEART IS ALREADY BLEEDING.

I'm sick and tired and now I absoutely hate Sean. Why did I even be friends with him in the first place? He hurt my feelings, rip out my heart and dunk it into the sea and made me devasted. Why must he do this to me everytime? Why is my life full of complications? He said that I'm a scammer, told everyone to defame me and yes, I'm talking about maple. All my maple playing experiences are ruined. Torn. Ripped out. Gone. ALL gone.
So now he left me here, sitting on the chair, crying and leaving deep deep scars in my heart. My eyes are swollen with tears, and they are flowing freely down my face, and onto the floor.
I always looked foward to the days with happiness, but now, I depised it. I look foward to each day with sadness and devastion. I feel a sense of betrayal and I can see that I was so foolish to believe him and be friends with him. He is just a heartless guy who don't care for anyone feelings.
So why does he always so happy? Why don't people punish him? I'm the one always suffering, always the one crying. Not him. Why am I born to live in such a world where bad people get the good things, and the good people get the bad things?
I'm always the one called an idoit, stupid or a b!tch. I'm always the one that is friendless. But no one even cares. They have their own best friends and their own business to look after. So no one bothers with me. I have to lead my own life, without anybody. Pushing myself to be happy, and be always with a smile. But it always make me wanna break down and cry. It's been so stressful, been so painful and lonely, it's enough to make me wanna die. I been pushed and bullied too much, and I love all my friends for their kind words and encouragments, which pushed me on to become better and happier.
But with such short-comings in life, how am I suppose to even smile?

Today is not a good day. Definitely NOT a good day. Firstly. I vomitted during P.E and it was clear water. Secondly. It means my heart and lungs are not together. Thirdly. No one believes me and said I "vomitted" saliva. Fourthly. I lost everybody trust and friendship.

So, no friends. Nada. Zero. Nobody.
I hate my life. I hate myself for doing this to myself. I always been going on at high speed, never looking back. But now...I feel so much like stopping and letting myself die. I can't take this anymore! No one trusts me. In turn, whatever I say, nobody will believe. NO ONE. What is the use of my life when I don't even have just one FRIEND? Ok, I do have friends. How about this; What is the use of my life when none of my friends TRUST me? That sounds better and is better. Hm. It look like I only have ONE friend who still trust me.

Yeah... that was pretty much how bad my primary school life was! I didn't had a lot of friends, I was hated by literally everyone and it was the most traumatizing experience of my life. I was an A-class loser.

But the thing was, the guys didn't cared. They didn't cared that I was ugly and that I was very nerdy. Okay, SOME did, but most of them didn't. THAT WAS HOW I BECAME COMFORTABLE AROUND THEM AND PREFERRED (emphasize: PREFERRED. now i'm neutral with both) HAVING MALE FRIENDS TO FEMALE FRIENDS, K?

Granted, in secondary school, I am suddenly much more liked and I have a lot of female friends and less of male friends. I'm just telling you why I am comfortable around any guys, whether they are my boyfriend or not.

See, laoniang even elaborated so much for you.

So, stop gossiping and spreading false rumours lah. I'm still very much single and I'm not looking for a replacement boyfriend. How stupid do you think I am?! Don't look down on me so much please. -_-