Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Outings


Met up with Joyce last Sunday! :D Went to Dhoby Ghaut > Daiso > Times > JustAcia > Flea Titan > Home. ^^ Very lazy to blog in detail. My apologies. :p Anyway, had a great time with this primary sch friend of mine! \m/




Oh yeah met her sister as well. <: And then last Friday, Huishan came over to study!! :)





Our lunch <:
All the peach tea drank by me, of course. HAHAHAHA. :p



Why am I so pretty? HAHAHA :p

I am chio


  1. Waiting for tuition teacher to arrive;
  2. Trigonometry sucks;
  3. Oh the pimples on my face, won't you go away?
Suddenly, everyone seems to be acting like a Class A bitch.

Monday, June 29, 2009

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY,
JENNIFER(ETARDED) FOO(L) RUIFEN(OOB)
Congratulations, you are halfway to thirty!!!! :)




ALRIGHT LET'S SEE. What shall I write for you. Hmmm. :p

Ok, first, I shall start off by saying: YOU SUCK!
Why? Because right now you are quarantined and thus you need not go to school for 7 days [+1 since Mon is a public holiday]. HAHA. I know you are having fun, staying at home and missing me :)

Anyway, I am very glad to have been through 2 and a half year of your life. ^^ You are the funniest friend I have; the only person I've ever met who can laugh for the whole day, hell, you can even laugh for the rest of your life. Probably the happiest person I've ever met. Ok you do have your emotional moments, but come on, how common is that? :p Besides, with me as your friend, you'll cheer up easily, right? :D:D:D:D:D

Though we have petty fights, I am glad that we are still friends :O
And don't worry, Junhao is still not as important as you. >:) Am being serious! Girls over boys ANYTIME. :)

Happy birthday to you, KENNIFER/BENNIFER/BEN 10!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Our love is like a song, but you just won't sing along



"It seems everywhere I go there is drama. People are like lice - they get under your skin and bury themselves there. You scratch and scratch till the blood comes, but you can’t get permanently deloused. Everywhere I go people are making a mess of their lives. Everyone has his private tragedy. It’s in the blood now - misfortune, ennui, grief, suicide. The atmosphere is saturated with disaster, frustration, futility. Scratch and scratch until there’s no skin left. However, the effect upon me is exhilarating. Instead of being discouraged or depressed, I enjoy it. I am crying for more and more disasters, for bigger calamities, for grander failures. I want the whole world to be out of whack, I want everyone to scratch himself to death."
— Henry Miller



"It is not more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colour-blind. They don’t see colour. Just like how we don’t see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we just can’t see it. It’s just like a blur. It’s like we’re riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you’re sitting in. now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that’s it; it’s that simple. That’s all I discovered. I’m just… a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I’m that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me."
- Kate and Leopold



The heartbeat. Have you ever lain with somebody when your hearts were beating in the same rhythm? That’s true love. A man and a woman who lie down with their hearts beating together are truly lucky. Then you’ve truly been in love, m’ boy. Yeah, that’s true love. You might see that person once a month, once a year, maybe once a lifetime, but you have the guarantee your lives are going to be in rhythm. That’s all you need.
— Bob Dylan



Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.
- Plato



"Just one thing,” she says, raising her head and looking me straight in the eye. “I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets."
— Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami



"You know I was taught that when you have something good, what you’re supposed to do is you hang on to it. You know? You hang on to it with both hands. And if someone tries to take it from you. what you should do is you should make sure they pry it from your cold, dead fingers."
— Seth Cohen



"No. Take the heart first. Then you don’t feel the cold so much. The pain so much. With the heart gone, there’s no reason to stay your hand. Your eyes can look on death and not tremble. It’s the heart that betrays us, makes us weap, makes us bury our friends when we should be marching ahead. It’s the heart that sickens us at night and makes us hate who we are. It’s the heart that sings songs and brings memories of warm days and makes us waver at another mile, another smouldering village."
— The Passion, Jeanette Winterson



"I never thought I had depression, because I’d look at those depression surveys that would ask, ‘Have you stopped enjoying things you used to enjoy?’ And I never understood those because…I couldn’t remember ever enjoying anything."
— Out of the Shadows



"I will be thin and pure like a glass cup. Empty. Pure as light. Music. I move my hands over my body - my shoulders, my collarbone, my rib cage, my hip bones like part of an animal skull, my small thighs. In the mirror my face is pale and my eyes look bruised. My hair is pale and thin and the light comes through. I could be a lot younger than seventeen. I could be a child still, untouched."
— The Hanged Man, Francesca Lia Block

Friday, June 26, 2009

Just so you know,

There are words dancing at the back of my tongue, words that want to be said. But I would rather chew on razorblades than say the words that I want to say. I tried to vomit the words out, but my heart tightens and so does my throat, and the words are swallowed back. I am sorry that your beliefs clashes with my beliefs. I am trying so hard, oh so very hard. But I am failing; flailing. I am sorry.

***

People are so fucking immature nowadays. Why would you want to ostracize someone just because they're in love with someone who's attached? She won't be able to tear them apart if their love is strong enough, so why bother going to such drastic lengths? Granted, I might not know the full story so these are just superficial assumptions, but seriously?

LAUGHS @ HUISHAN WHO HAS EXAMS MWAHAHAH

I love HUI SHAN VERY MUCH she's such a poor sad kid who has exams (not).

You know she went to Daiso on Monday and then she bought the caramel corn thingy, and on the packaging, there was a symbol of a camera. And she thought that it meant that there will be biscuits in the shape of a camera.

HUISHAN: *holds up a biscuit* Does this look like a camera to you?
PEIRU (her sis): NO!!!!!!

And they spent the next 1 hour shifting through every single biscuit and looking for a camera-shaped biscuit.

HUISHAN: I think the camera actually meant we should take a picture of the packaging.
PEIRU: Huh I don't know laaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!1

Genius! :D Pure genius. TOTAL GENIUS BETTER-THAN-ALBERT-EINSTEIN-GENIUS.

** I was reading the article about Michael Jackson's death **
HUISHAN: How old is he?
ME: 50.
HUISHAN: Eh quite young leh! Must be all the plastic.

***

BEFORE VIEWING THE VIDEO, PLEASE INCREASE YOUR VOLUME TO THE MAXIMUM!!!!!!!!!!

video

GUESS WHO WINK WINK :D

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

:(

This is so depressing.

***

BUTTERF(LIES) says (10:58 PM):
*why ahlians keep on saying "ni mama"
*ni mama very vulgar meh?
*your mother your mother
*whats so vulgar abt it
solar bear says (10:58 PM):
*...
*CUZ IT'S THE CHI VERSION OF YO MAMA
BUTTERF(LIES) says (10:58 PM):
*WHY THEY GO AHLIANIZE "YOUR MOTHER"
*HAHAHHA
solar bear says (10:58 PM):
*HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA
BUTTERF(LIES) says (10:58 PM):
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA
solar bear says (10:58 PM):
*HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
BUTTERF(LIES) says (10:58 PM):
*OMG
*NONSENSE
*HAHAHAHAHAHA
*YO MAMA
*NI MAMA

Hai

Been staying at home the past few days & studying. Like, seriously studying. :p
Besides, was just discharged, I'm supposed to stay at home & rest. Tmr is my 3rd month, Friday I'm going to Pulau Ubin, Saturday I'm going to 85 and need to be home early cus my relatives from Australia are here to visit. Can't wait, cus they always bring back loads of gum for me, teehee \m/

Anyway I've been thinking a lot (since most of the time I am alone by myself - I actually am getting used to it! By it, I mean staying at home and being by myself) & reading a lot & writing a lot. I actually wrote about 5 long posts but I've never published them cus I know no one would be interested enough to actually read all of it & also cus I know that, well, people would criticize. :/ I've purposely mentioned this to my friends and they are like, "You are so free!" & they've never asked to read it. Ok it is illogical to get upset over it but I am, cus it's like, well, if you care enough about me, you would care enough to read, or at the very least, skim through my essays...

Ok nevermind.

Been buying loads of items, I have my new wallet ($16), new bag ($24), new shoes ($33) and tons of new clothes. Ok they're not literally new, but they're all BNWT or never worn, so yeah. That reminds me - need to alter this pair of jeans which are too big for me. Except that I am bankrupt now. -.- -.- -.- My mom was like, "New wallet but no money to put inside. Shame!"

On a random note, I want a tattoo:



Nothing much to blog about, except for this particular reply Ms Nah sent me:

Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:19:34 +0800
Subject: Re: Regarding story-writing competition
From: ***@gmail.com
To: ***@hotmail.com

Ok, no worries.

but anyway, i've signed you up for debate for National Literature Festival. you're not going to back out on this. I need your calibre for the team.

....... wish me luck.

(PS: You know it's time to stop drinking peach tea when you've been to the toilet 4 times in a timespan of 10 minutes.)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Question

In the early 3rd century BCE, the Greek philosopher Epicurus wrote:

Either God wants to abolish evil and cannot,
or he can but does not want to,
or he cannot and does not want to,
or lastly he can and wants to.

If he wants to remove evil, and cannot,
he is not omnipotent;
If he can, but does not want to,
he is not benevolent;
If he neither can nor wants to,
he is neither omnipotent nor benevolent;
But if God can abolish evil and wants to,
how does evil exist?

Anyone out there that will bother to answer me? :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Back

Ok not 5 days as expected (but I still won't be online for 5 days). I was released early (ok you can guess where I was gone now)! :D

I am sorry to the people I've disappointed, esp my family. :/ I am sorry I don't know what I was thinking, it's just that I was overwhelmed at the moment of time and it just sort of happened and I couldn't be more sorry for that, + it was Father's Day the next day + it was also your 6th anniversary married tgth. I am sorry for spoiling everything & I am sorry for being such a disappointment for a daughter.

Anyway, I am back & I rly miss NORMAL food... am craving for black pepper crabs so badly! & butter prawns & satays & pratas. But now they issued me this stupid diet thing which my parents are taking so srsly, it is so sad cus it is all veg and healthy. I am also not allowed to drink cold drinks [unless they're herbal or good for me]. This sucks!!! I am also not allowed to go out but I'd rather die than stay here & rot & be so close to my family whom I've disappointed so badly so I put up a fight which actually worsened things but I guess it was for everyone's good [do I even make sense?] and in the end, compromised that I can only go to my friends' house.

This is all so troublesome & sad, sigh.

(PS: Gone for only 2 days and it seems like everyone has moved to Tumblr. ._.)
(PSS: See? Everything's falling apart again. Everything's bursting at its seams.)
(PSSS: You can't break a broken heart.)

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Giving up

** Edited at 200609 9:33pm **

Will be gone for a few days, so contact me via phone, because I won't be online for about 5 days! An emergency cropped up so yeah. Bye people, have fun + take care!!

** Ends Edit **

I rly hate that you are trying to push me out of your life. Don't try to deny it cus it's obvious. I don't know what you want, srsly. You promised me that things will be unchanged and our friendship will just be like normal, but here you are ignoring me and not trying to converse whenever I initate a conversation. I make lame jokes in an attempt to make you laugh, but you just "-.-/._." me and do you know how much that hurts? Because we used to be so close and now you're trying to get away from me because of that one silly fucked-up incident which you started. But you've apologized and I've forgiven you and we talked things out and I thought things were okay. I guess I was wrong.

Sigh if this is what you rly want then I guess I can't stop you, can I? I guess I just have to give up on ever being your friend again, cus this friendship was never the one you wanted. This was never a friendship you wanted to keep.

-

I rly don't understand people sometimes. :/ Sometimes I just don't want to make any more friends because people are so hard to understand and I don't know what they want. I don't know how to cater to my friends' needs and I don't know how to please them and I don't know how to make them happy.

The thing is, I try my best. I try to be the best that I can for them, I try to be the ideal friend that they want. I try, really I do.

It just gets tiring sometimes, just looking out for my friends and not rly taking care of myself and asking myself what I want and who I rly need in my life. I reckon it's time for me to be selfish and just stop caring about what my friends need, and focus on what I need.

And at that one moment when I just slacken, my friend will say that I am not cherishing the friendship and that I am neglecting her/him. And I just don't know what to do. I feel damn mean, but at the same time, I feel rly miserable cus apparently, she/he doesn't care about my happiness as well? That maybe, sometimes, I need to pamper myself and I can't just give in all the time to their petty requests? I mean srsly - will you wake up from your sleep at 3am and sneak out of your house to fetch a friend cus his bike had a puncture in the middle of the expressway and couldn't get anywhere? Alright, maybe some of you will. But man, he said I was a lifesaver - and then the very next day, I rejected his request to go to his house and play basketball with him cus I was tired, he said I am complacent. It's like, wow, thanks, thanks a lot.

It's just...... I can't be there 24/7, y'know? I would love to, and it's not impossible, but I wouldn't have time to myself and how fair is that?

I mean, you guys can't expect me to concede to all your requests right? I alr tried to give you the best of me [sounds so wrong but wtv] but you just can't seem to appreciate it. Everyone always zoom in on my imperfections, and always pointing them out to me. Um right thanks a lot, you just made me feel much better. Yes I know that some people's ways of comforting their friend is to scold sense into them, but telling me that being anorexic is stupid and only insecure and stupid bitches are anorexic won't help me at all. Telling me that being depressed is only for whiners and that going to a therapist is such a loser thing also won't help me at all.

I doubt that's even 'sensible' scolding.

And srsly, just because my views are different from yours doesn't mean you can call me stupid. You can argue your point, but there's no need to insult me, right? Telling me I'm stupid for thinking this way, telling me that I'm blind and heartless for opposing/supporting a particular cause.... how nice can that be?

Some friends even compare me to them, obviously putting me in a bad spot. Like, "Weiling always wear revealing clothes, like short shorts and tiny tees while I am more conservative - I like to cover up." A direct quote. Um like srsly, that's like trying to imply I dress like a prostitute. And you are supposed to be my friend. That's what so incredulous about it.

Man, I don't know. This blows. This fucking blows.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Stupid conversations


My neck is not broken, Huishan. :p


My hair is getting longer WOOHOO \m/ \m/ \m/

I went to Huishan's house today cus she was bored and she needed me to accompany her cus she loves me + loves my company cus I am entertaining [in a POSITIVE way, nevertheless] and hilarious [ditto]. :D:D:D

Anyway, she had to study cus her school is damn weird cus their mid year papers are after June holidays. HAHA! Loser :p


You like my twin pouches? ^^

Anyway slacked ard her house for a while, then I got hungry cus I only had 3 Macs hash browns for breakfast! So went down to Loyang Point's Shop & Save to buy food :> :>



HAHAHA was adjusting my shoes I LOOK LIKE GHOST \m/


You like my tshirt? ^^ It's SMILING at you HAHAHAHAHAHA



I am ~~happy~~ and all smiley [matchy matchy with my tee hehe] cus...



I GOT MY JUBES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!oneone!!!!!!!!!!!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Hehehehehehe.



Once again don't want to take picture with me. Hmph! Next time I die you have nothing to remember me by. :p OK I mean, you won't have any picture with me of you smiling into the camera! YOU WILL REGRET OK.



Studying while I was slacking! Mwahahaha!
HAHA ok need to stop being so juvenile. -_-


Took a short nap cus this bugger made me wake up at like 7am T_T
Then I woke up and then we talked yakkity yakkity yak until I left at 9pm! :>

***

ME: There's a word to call those who marry young, like at 16....
HUISHAN: Since when?
ME: Uh the word is... um...
HUISHAN: I***** [pls ask me personally if you want to find out! WINKWINK]

-


HUISHAN: You look like a porn star...
*pause*
HUISHAN: ... wearing clothes!

-

*we are looking at this photo of a blogshop owner who is caressing herself*
HUISHAN: "Help my boobs are dropping!!!!"

-

HUISHAN: I am lmao-ing... lmao, L - MA - O!

-

*I am using her acc to talk to her church friend*
solar bear says:
Spoken like a true gamer
[c=7]History Maker™[/c] says:
HAHAH
what games do you play
solar bear says:
Nothing HAHAHAHAHA
I play PS2
I play FF!!!!!!!!!
[c=7]History Maker™[/c] says:
flying fingers?
solar bear says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
NO
FINAL FANTASTY
* FANTASY

-


ME: Cover-your-face-with-two-hands-or-one-hand-whatever-as-long-as-face-is-covered-pose!

-

HUISHAN: THE WORLD OF TEES! THE WORLD OF TEES! THE WORLD OF TEEEEES!!!!!

-

HUISHAN: *blowing bubbles in her milk tea [SO IMMATURE RIGHT I KNOW]* It's bubbling!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1

*she does it again and again and AGAIN*

-

HUISHAN: Wahlau another bandage dress!!!!!!! SOON EVERYTHING WILL BE BANDAGE!!!!
ME: Bandage bra, bandage underwear....
HUISHAN: BANDAGE HEAD!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! MUMMIES!!!!!!! Everywhere!
*pause*
HUISHAN: Let's go look at more bandages.

*few hours later, we come across someone modelling a bandage skirt in a provocative way*

HUISHAN: Bandage, bandage my ASS uh.

-

HUISHAN: It looks like skin without skeleton.

-

ME: Eh its a bowling bag!
HUISHAN: To put BALLLS.... (raises eyebrows and waggles them)

-

HUISHAN: Omg an ass skirt!!
ME: Huh?
HUISHAN: HAHAHAHAHA OOPS SEE WRONGLY IT'S ASOS!!!!

-

HUISHAN: My middle finger is retarded.

-

HUISHAN: Let's get EXCITED!

-

HUISHAN: Pick up your ears!

-

(looking at a constipated model)
HUISHAN: Omg something got stuck up her ass HAHAHAHA

-


HUISHAN: *holds up her Eeyore* This is a SQUASHED TOFU! See, it's slanted.

-


HUISHAN: *holds up a Domokun plushie* This is a shit cube!
*throws it to me*
HUISHAN: A bouncy shit cube.

-


HUISHAN: I have nice legs here.
ME: Hm?
HUISHAN: GHOST legs.

-

HUISHAN: IT IS SO HOTTTTTTTTT
ME: Haha you must feel miserable!
HUISHAN: I am a hot melting puddle of misery!

-

HUISHAN: Fan me.
ME: *fans*
HUISHAN: You're my FAN!

-

HUISHAN: Urgh I need a hurry-cane.

-

HUISHAN: Omg I can feel the computer heat!! Why is it so hot? OMG WHY IS THE KEYBOARD SO HOT?? *fans the keyboard*

Love,


(got it from a tumblr, forgot the URL, sorry kiddos)

***

Grow up. Just grow the fuck up, please.

THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

And I'm not your fucking slave. Stop being so immature and stop thinking that everyone have to bow down to you and kiss your fucking ass. Seriously, you have an attitude problem. Just because I don't do the one thing that you want to be done, you just reply, "Fine -.-" to every single goddamn thing I say.

So I give up. I give up on you and your immaturity.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Junhao is so superficial!!!!!!

U R A HYPOCRITE says (7:29 PM):
*Junhao....
*Actually right....
*Everytime I meet you....
*I pile on 3cm thick of foundation and concealer...
*Actually my face like (censored) like that....
*10x worse, actually.....
JunHao- says (7:30 PM):
*LETS BREAK UP
*LOL
*No wonder that time i kiss you
*my lip turn
*brown
*=X

:(



***

Went to fetch my cousins from their house to my grandma's house:







Nice sky. OK fine I photoshop one HAHA.

And omg Singapore so kiasu. It's still June and they put up National Day posters alr!!!! -__-

Teehee

JunHao- says (4:13 PM):
*=P
*Darling~~
*Our ear hear as one
*our mind think as one
*our blood flow as one
*our heart beat as one
*our tears flow as one
*our arms move as one
*our leg walk as one
*because, we are 1 =3

***

Currently craving for:


I should stop being such a whiny bitch

Exonerated by DNA, but lost on the outside

After reading that whole article....

Maybe it's time I stop comparing my life to others. Maybe it's time I stop saying, "My life is worse than yours, so don't talk." Actually, I SHOULD stop complaining about my life and saying that everyone else has much better lives than me. Because... because what if everyone is just pretending that their lives are easier, by not talking about the bad parts of it? By downplaying the sad side of their life and amplifying the happy side? Just because they don't say it outright that they find that their lives suck, doesn't mean that they are okay.

I mean, seriously? :/ I guess there is someone else whose life is worse than mine, yet they forge through it bravely while I whimper like a baby and expect someone to pick up my mess. It's time I realize that I have to learn how to be independent and stand on my own. That not everything is always so bad, and that I should appreciate the good things in my life and push out the bad stuffs.

(PS: I've always wondered what kind of motivational talk can we give to those people who are really suffering? Like, those children in Africa that are dying from malnutrition. People that don't have a home because they are bankrupt without any family support because their family have abandoned them. People who were raped brutally by their blood relatives. Even the cliché statement, "There are people whose lives are worse than yours," can't really help, right? What else can you say man? :/)

300th post!

4:47am now and I'm still up......


Father's Day is on the 21st. Today is the 18th. 3 more days, and I still haven't got anything for him mwahahaha. :p Nevermind! >.> I am the best present anyway...... :p :p :p


Lousy boyfriend who is going to abandon me for approximately 4 days for camp. So saddening. Plus, he said he don't mind because, in his exact words, "st johns more impt than you =p"

.... evil.

***

"I'm sorry that somehow, that somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. And now when I really need to speak up, when I really need to tell you something, I can't. And I bite my tongue, and I dig my nails into my hands and I squeeze my eyes shut when the tears begin to well in them. And what is there to do except repeat the profound feelings of hate? But I don't hate you. I love you and that is the problem. And you can accuse me of being cold, or cruel, or not caring, but I care so much that every stupid thing you do makes my heart sick."

"Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't expect someone to read your mind. And don't play games with our heads or our hearts. Don't tell us half-truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half-truths are no better than lies. Don't be cold to someone you care about. Indifference hurts more than angry words."

***

Oh, btw, I've lied to myself enough to know when someone else is doing it. So srsly? Stop lying.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Sigh

Blog unprivated.

I can never win.

Yay!!!

So I've just privated this blog....

And I feel so LIBERATED!!!!

I can blog about whatever I want, and nobody can give me shit for it! :D Because nobody can read this blog, HAHAHAHA! Even changed my password, so those who knows my password can't access my account either!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!111!!!
oneone1!!! \m/


OK I sound slightly psychotic but who cares?! I'm happy!!! :D I know it's even more psychotic that I am talking to myself, and blogging for myself, but I am just so tired of the public scrutiny!!!! And also, of some of my friends who are so damn immature that they don't understand about people having different stance on a particular topic, etc etc. Sigh.

Anyway!!! I've also wanted to blog about this, but somehow I knew I would get a lot of backlash for it. But now that NOBODY can view my blog, I can blog about it!!! YAY!!!!

SO. I am a bloghopping addict, and lately, I've come across several of _______ blogs and it is so entertaining to read, because they are such retards!!

I am serious!!!!!

Even the way they smile is retarded!


(pictures removed)

My futile attempt to imitate their smiles. It's just too retarded to be truly duplicated, unless you're one of those retarded people, duh.

I think know it is ugly!!!!!!!!

Why can't they smile normally?! Why must their purse their lips so painfully tight?! It IS painful, OK! I took those pictures, and my lips stung after that!!!

OH WELL I WILL NEVER GET MY ANSWERS BECAUSE THIS BLOG IS PRIVATED. One of the downside, but nevermind! :D I already have my answer: they are retarded. Mwahahaha!!!

***




Everything [the clothes] are from Cotton On. Man, I love that brand!!!! :D


LOVE THE SHORTS. They're in such happy colours and they look so... candy!! HAHA! If that even makes sense -_-

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Cleaning out my closet

I said I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet...

LOL. Eminem ftw \m/
But my title refers to LITERALLY cleaning out my closet.... >.> Overflowing with clothes. :/ My mom said if I clear out my closet by today, she'll take me out shopping on Weds or Thurs for more clothes. :D:D:D:D:D


So little clothes left now sigh. :(
I found my long-lost black skinnies this morning and went out to shop for a while. :>


Came back $20 poorer. :/ Need to stop spending...
4:30pm, going to have tuition in 2 hours time. :(

***

Currently munching on + drinking:

-


Friendships can be fixed...... but there will always be cracks.

Loving you is like breathing - how can I ever stop?

Monday, June 15, 2009

Nothing to fear but fear itself


I love my new shoes from UO! :D Got it bloody cheap, $25 for both pairs. :>
I also bought 1 shirt and 2 shorts from Cotton On for just $15 (70% sales!) and $5 skinny jeans from New Future [clearance sales!] :D I am deliriously happy!! :D



I was really bored yesterday, so I started digging up all my old photos from sharing folders (y'know, that function on the old MSN?) and I found my P6 pictures!!!


SO UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I had a boyfriend leh!


Early sec1! Fucking act cute!!!! BUEY TAHAN!

I still had a boyfriend!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!



Wahahahahaa! I used to show this to everyone on my contact list! :D Now I don't have the alien emoticon anymore, sad! :/

***


Thanks mummy :>

Mummy: "How do I operate your camera?"
Me: "Um just press that button your finger is on."
Mummy: "Ooooh.... come pose for mummy! I haven't take any pictures of you for a very long time. You used to model for me all the time, together with korkor before he became camera-shy. Sigh! You two used to be so chummy."

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Spent the day at Junhao's house. :D
Now I'm home, and I have tuition tomorrow sigh! :(:(:(

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Awwwww

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - I have shudder'd at it. I shudder no more. I could be martyr'd for my religion. Love is my religion. And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
- John Keats


***

It is quite funny how beautiful the world is but how ugly the people that lives in it are. We are all ugly. We all are selfish, hypocritical, hypercritical, superficial, greedy, demanding, possessive, controlling, whatnot. All of us have this similar flaws, but somehow, we don't find it in ourselves but find it in others. And we hate them for it, we come up with false rumours and exaggerated stories and we try to outcast this person, without ever realizing that he's not that different from us. In fact, we are all so similar in terms of personality and character, except some of us are more of a particular attribute than the another.

And really, rumours are after all, just rumours. They are not the fucking truth, so why believe it? And believe what the rumours say about a person, when you do not know the person yet?

And why look at me and immediately judge me, when you do not know me?

Let's tackle all the stupid shit people have labeled me:

01. Flirt/Whore/Slut/Shameless

I'm not going to lie - yes I've flirted with guys. And so? None of you have ever flirted with someone that you like? None of you have ever tried making a first move to hook the person that you like? -_- And it's not like I flirt even while I'm attached. -_-

Besides, I don't flirt with all the guys I see. Um, and hello, talking to guys does not equate to flirt. Laughing over jokes with a guy isn't flirting, having a guy friend doesn't mean we're fuck buddies, hugging a guy who is my friend doesn't mean I'm a straight-up whore and would totally put a dick into my mouth at any time of the day.

It's not really my fault that I'm comfortable in my own skin even around people of the opposite gender. Sorry girls, you can't call me a flirt just because I managed to make your crush/boyfriend laughed over a joke, neither can you call me a flirt just because your boyfriend and I are on talking terms.

And sorry guys, you can't call me a flirt just because I let a guy who is my friend hold me around the shoulders for just a few seconds before I shrugged him off or lie on my laps. Hey wait - so a girl can lie on a guy's lap and it's cute + the guy can boast about it, but if a guy lie on a girl's lap, the girl is a slut and is obviously not a virgin + if the girl boast about it, she's an attention-seeking whore who is clamouring for all the guys in the world to put their dicks in her mouth. The fuck?

02. Bossy/Braggart

Just because I often scream at the class to shut up and listen to the teacher. *roll eyes*

Wow, I get it all now! A GUY CAN ORDER PEOPLE AROUND AND BE A LEADER, BUT A GIRL CAN'T! -__- A guy can say, "Shut up!" and sound totally macho and cool, but if a girl say, "Shut up!", it is totally retarded and she must obviously be trying to come off as a leader. Plus, she is obviously 'acting fierce' when she's such a dog. Duh.

Oh and I'm the class chairman [NOT BRAGGING, THIS IS A FACT] so I actually have the right to silence the class when it's too noisy. -_-

And I'm a braggart just because last year, I happily tell everyone that I have straight As, ignoring Chinese and Art. I'm bragging when I told that Chinese HOD that I had 6 As when she asked me for my results. I'm bragging when I blog about my results. I'm bragging when I tell people that I am first in level for English/Literature.

Newsflash sweeties:
it's not bragging, it's BEING PROUD OF MY ACHIEVEMENTS.

And why should I not be proud of my own self? -_-

Plus, people can be such hypocrites. They say that my results are just average with a scornful look, and when they get back their results, which is either just a few marks higher or lower than mine, they'll exclaim to their friends, "Yay!!! I aced this paper, I am so proud of myself!!"

.... goddamnit urgh what the fuck is wrong with you???


Besides, everyone has their bragging moments. Everyone wants to be recognized by their efforts to get a particular achievement, so actually, everyone has an inner braggart.

03. Undeserving of the good luck thrown to me/Ingrate

Hah?

...................

Hahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

God, I don't know about you, but I'll hardly call my childhood an enjoyable one! Let me call you a rough idea: born fatherless, lived quite happily, father came back, found out father was alcoholic and abusive, days in and out of the courthouse, appeared in the news negatively, changed... several things about me and moved houses couple of times before we settled at Tamps.

;)

So damn right, I deserve the good luck/fortune I have right now!!!

Alright, now my life has settled and yes I am fortunate to have a mother and a father, albeit not my biological one, I am fortunate to live in a mansionette, I am fortunate to have money and I am fortunate and blessed to have found such amazing friends + a very caring boyfriend. :D So.

FUCK THE PEOPLE WHO SAY I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, BECAUSE I DAMN RIGHT DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!


And me, an ingrate?

I appreciate every damn thing people have done for me, I even remember strangers' act of kindness and I still haven't forgotten the auntie who brought me across the road, shielding me with an umbrella when it was raining, I still haven't forgotten the provision shop aunties back at Woodlands who always give me free candies because they knew about my family, I still haven't forgotten my Woodlands' neighbour who helped my ahma sewed clothes and her daughters whom were my playmates and I still haven't forgotten the policeman who carried me back home when I fell down and scrapped my knee really badly and I couldn't really walk.

Needless to say, I obviously haven't forgotten what my family and friends have done for me, all the sacrifices and kindness and love. :) It will be an neverending list of thankyous if I listed them all out.

So, no. I'm not an ingrate and I never will be, because that's just not... me.

Woo, what a long post.
Toodles. :D

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Wooo

I am finally back... ! :D Okay, first off...

Waited for 30 minutes at Pasir Ris bus inter for the latepok aka Huishan to come. >.> Then we walked to Pasir Ris Park, rented 2 single bikes for 2 hours for $10, and we biked...







I am so talented, I can take pictures and cycle at the same time!!! \m/
It was so hot, almost melted in the heat. :/ My shoulders got burnt and they fucking hurt everytime it comes into contact with something!


Me: "Hey Huishan what does this stands for? The PCN thingy."
Her: "Idk."
Me: "Hehehehe skali it stands for park chibai now!"
Her: "..."



Cycled back to Pasir Ris Park, and went to the toilet and stayed there for like, idk, an eternity. I got heat rashes, so I was cooling down. Cleaned our legs for it was black with dirt. :O




Lagging behind because "MIMOSA!!!!!!"

Went to White Sands, bought bread from Four Leaves :>
Took bus 359 back to her house, and we passed by Coral Primary! So many memories, sigh! :( Anyway, then we ate at her block's playground for a while~


So tak glam, I know.
But Huishan is even more tak glam....





HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Epic WIN


Huishan is a 'hunks' HAHAHAHA


Seventeen ftw \m/

Went back to her house, and I showered! :D




Then she watched the Jap version of Hana Kimi while I read books, and we finally left for the airport around 8pm. :)



Her tigger so lonely!

Dropped off at T1, skytrained to T2 (LOL) and went to Starbucks since Huishan has $10 vouchers for them. :O Betrayed my beloved Coffee Bean, LOL. :p Got cold, so I put on my hood.


My drink sucked, I didn't like it at all and had to force myself to drink. In the end, gave Huishan about 1/4 of the drink. LOL. Meh.





Supposed to be studying, but this girl just keeps smsing! >.> Tsk tsk~



She was complaining about the pink light and how distracting it was and how the shadows were all tinted pink and all. LOL.






Left Starbucks at around 12am, tired of studying. Went to the toilet~


Walked around, went to Minitoons and she bought a rainbow hp strap and became very happy.





Went down to Macs!







Huishan: "McDonalds has cheese for its ceilings..."


And we studied for a couple hours before we got restless again :p




My ring :(

Then we decided to walk around...


2:35AM! I am a survivor! :D


Toilet is totally empty~



Empty empty empty~

Went back to Macs after walking round for a bit...




I fell asleep for about an hour!
Woke up and then bought hashbrown to eat. :D It was about 5am. AND THAT WAS WHEN I FUCKING LOST MY RING SIGH SIGH SIGH :(


Left for Yakun for breakfast....


Then my camera batt died. HAHAHA.
Went back to my house to crash, last picture at the airport taken using my hp:


:D


Molest my teddybear only. >.> HAHAHA.
This is when I woke up around 12pm. Then I went back to sleep! And slept slept slept... till about 3.30pm LOL


My hair looking awesome \m/

Huishan was still sleeping, btw! LOL
Pig :p


Ok she finally got up and drinking milo and reading my book.

Then around 4pm, we left the house to buy food! Bought Bread Talk's breads and came back home and we cooked instant noodles heh :> I only ate bread thou, there was only one packet of maggie mee left. >.>



Only girl I know who can eat and look emo at the same time.


Last picture of the day :D

Anyway, watched TV and slacked till about 7pm before she left. I sent her off, took the bus with her as well, except I dropped off earlier and visited Junhao :>

Man, finally done with this post! About 1 hour. Sigh I am so dedicated.

Tata~

Friday, June 12, 2009

HI GUYS!

(edited @ 4.34am)

I LOST JUNHAO'S RINGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 :(:(:(:(:(:(
It fucking slipped off my finger and it rolled under the table and then it srsly disappeared I SPASMED FOR A FEW HOURS AND I STILL CAN'T FIND IT EVEN THOUGH I'VE FLIPPED THE TABLE AND SHIT!

I MISS MY RING AND MY FINGER FEELS SO NAKED NOW I AM SO SADS! :(

(/edit)

Currently at Changi Airport T2 Macs! :D
Free Internet ftw \m/ wooooooooooo

Huishan is currently dying and trying to stay awake, and obviously failing! HAHAHA! I am obviously still very hyper because I am super energized :D

Btw, there are these 3 very gay guys in front of us and they're bitching about their girlfriends and also about losing weight. Fucking gay!!! HAHAHA. Damn, only 4 minutes left. Sigh! Alright, shall just go off now. :) I am blogging in public, that's definitely a first! LOL.

Huishan just bought a rainbow hp strap from Minitoons and is a very happy buyer!
I have no money, so I am just stoning. Lalala.

Bye guys!!!!!
HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

I AM AT HUISHAN'S HOUSE NOW AND WE ARE GOING TO LEAVE SOON FOR THE AIRPORT CUS WE'RE CAMPING THERE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!! :D

ANYWAY, WE WENT BIKING IN THE AFTERNOON AND WE CYCLED FROM PASIR RIS PARK TO SUNPLAZA PARK TO BEDOK RESERVOIR PARK THEN BACK TO SUNPLAZA PARK THEN BACK TO PASIR RIS PARK IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS AND WE SCREAMT ALL THE WAY BECAUSE IT WAS SO THRILLING TO CYCLE DOWN A VERY STEEP SLOPE

AND ALSO WE HAD PIT STOPS WHERE WE BOUGHT DRINKS CUS I GOT VERY THIRSTY

SHE ALSO COLLIDED INTO ME ONCE AND NOW I HAVE A CUT ON MY DELICATE ANKLES AND THAT STUPID TRUCK DRIVER WHO WAS THE ONE WHO CAUSED ME TO STOP SUDDENLY WHICH CAUSED HUISHAN TO BANG INTO ME STARED AT ME WITH VERY CONDESCENDING EYES LIKE, "OMG RETARD ON THE ROAD!"

DAMNIT GO AND DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKER
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SWERVED INTO THE CURVE SUDDENLY BITCH

ANYWAY THE REST OF THE JOURNEY WAS VERY PLACID AND PEACEFUL
EXCEPT FOR THE CONSTANT SCREAMING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND THEN WE SAW A LOT OF CAMPERS BUT THERE WAS NO HOT CAMPERS AND WE SAW 2 POLICEMEN BUT THEY WEREN'T HOT EITHER

DAMNIT I WANT TO LIVE IN AN ANGMOH COUNTRY WHERE POLICEMEN ARE HOT AND YOUNG

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHA

"Omg you're so retarded, I can't stand you!!!" - Huishan

OK I GTG
WE GOING AIRPORT NOW AND CONTRACT H1N1 HEHEHE OK CHOYYYYY

SORRY FOR THE CAPS
I AM VERY HIGH

BYEBYE BAIBAI CHIBAI

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Cute kids

What is the proper age to get married?
  • “Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
  • When I am done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5)
What do most people do on a date?
  • “On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)
When is it okay to kiss someone?
  • “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ‘cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)
  • “Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)
The Great Debate: Is it better to be single or married?
  • “It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
  • “It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)
Why does Love happen between two people?
  • “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
  • "I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)
What is it like to fall in love?
  • “Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
  • “If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes to long time to learn.” (Leo, 7)
On the role of good looks in love and marriage:
  • “If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
  • “It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
  • “Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9)
Concerning why lovers hold hands:
  • “They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)
Confidential opinions about love:
  • “I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ are on TV.” (Anita, 6)
  • “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)
  • “I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)
Personal qualities necessary to be a good lover:
  • “One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, 8)
Some sure-fire ways to make a person fall in love with you:
  • “Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)
  • “Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)
  • “One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)
How can you tell if two adults eating dinner at a restaurant are in love?
  • “Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
  • “Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food,” (Brad, 8)
  • “It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)
What most people are thinking when they say ‘I love you’:
  • “The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)
How a person learns to kiss:
  • “You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)
  • “It might help if you watched soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)
When is it okay to kiss someone?
  • “It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you… that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)
How to make love endure:
  • “Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)
  • “Don’t forget your wife’s name… that will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)
  • “Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.” (Randy, 8)
(reblogged from http://xkinkyface.tumblr.com)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

1015


They say time will make this all go away, but it's time that has taken my tomorrow's and turned them into yesterday's.

***


Taken years ago! HAHAHAHA.

***

Went to Junhao's house today and spent the day watching South Park -_- I like that Kenny guy, he's fucking cute. :D And also that fat guy hahah.
"Do you like fish sticks?"
"Yes."
"Do you like putting fish sticks into your mouth?"
"Yes."
"Well then, are you a gay fish?"
Btw, he had the guts to challenge me to Boggle. :O I obviously won every single round >.>

Refused to believe that I've won again mwahahahahah noob x1048923728 :p



Ok then I reached home at 9pm+ and got a lecture from my dad, oh well oh well. :(

Ta.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

:< :< :<

What the fuck am I living for?

In the end, I die anyway. So why should I work so fucking hard? It'll all go down in flames anyway. Who the fuck will remember me when I die now? Maybe people will cry for a while, but in a few years, they will have no memory of who I am and they will just move on with their lives and they will forget everything; everything about me, everything that I've done for them, everything that we've done together...

It's all just a fucking big joke. Why should I fucking live? Why?

"Why not live? Why shouldn't you live?"

Because life fucking hurts and I'm not strong enough to take on the fucking pain. There, I've admitted it, I'm a fucking coward. So what can anyone do about it? There's fucking nothing they can do, because why life fucking hurts is because people keep on hurting me. And if people, humans, are the problem, then what the fuck is the solution? Obliterate the human race? Yeah right.

Sigh what a bleak future ahead.

Here's a story that always keep me going.... :>
The Awakening
By Virginia Marie Swift

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening...


You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.


You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.


You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Copyright 2001 Virginia Marie Swift

Random

I srsly think that Junhao is really the best boyfriend I ever had (and still have). Thanks for giving in to me most of the time and not minding my emotional outbursts. Thanks for giving in to my whims and delivering to me food whenever I'm hungry. Thanks for letting me win whenever we get into arguments and being straightforward with me whenever the time calls for it. Thanks for being so honest, even though it hurts. I really do love you, even though I complain about you in my blog all the time. Thanks for being there all the time for me, even sacrificing your sleep to meet me in the middle of the night just to talk because I can't sleep. Thanks for forgiving me whenever I break a promise to you, and still love me. Even though you can be unreasonable at times, and assume the wrong things and shout at me before I can even defend myself, I appreciate everything that you've done for me, and I'll love you 4eva n evazxszxs honey :>

***


My comfort food. :>

While waiting for Ameline to come over :) I liked my hair HAHA because it looked like waterfall. :x



After she came...
Ok she doesn't want her pictures up. Such a private person sigh. :p Oh well at least there's my pictures HAHAAHHAA


Was looking for the big cooking pot that was lying somewhere in the kitchen. Wanted to cook spaghetti :) And obviously she started taking pictures, since it's my kitchen and she doesn't know where the things are.

And then.


"Weiling! Look here!"


"What?" *camera flashes*
"...."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA SO UGLY!!!!!"


"Fuck you~"

HAHAHAHA. In the end, we happily ate and she went back home. :)

Going to have a 3D2N camp with Huishan on Thursday!!!! HAHAHAHAHAA! WOO~ :D

Monday, June 8, 2009

Huishan's 15th!! :)


Met Joanne at 11+ at White Sands! :D We were both early!! TELEPATHIC... haha :x
Bought Huishan's present, bought donuts, bought candles, walked to Pasir Ris Park and got approached by a creepy, old man!!! And then we waited for Huishan to come, she came, and sang the birthday song and ate and talked and spammed our camera......










Suddenly it rained so we ran for shelter!!


Joanne is very unhappy. HAHAHA.
But soon it stopped raining, so we headed for the breakwater... or whatever Joanne said it is called :p

"I AM A GEOG STUDENT! I KNOW! I GOT LEARN BEFORE! ITS CALLED BREAKWATER!"










Started to drizzle and it got really cold, so we moved to a warmer spot.....







HAHAHAHAHHHAA

Left around 5+, walked to Huishan's house.....


"MIMOSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

While walking, realized that Huishan takes history, Joanne takes geography and I take literature! And Joanne proudly labeled us the 'cool' friends hahahaha



Then I had to rush to meet my homeless boyfriend who picked his shirt out from the garbage bin because it had a hole in it.... x) Made me wait for him for about 20 minutes just so he could eat dinner sigh :(



Toodles~

I am a child, I refuse time


No wonder my mother said I was born looking like a boy...







My brother look freakishly like Osborn here hahaha.

Once during my birthday...



Why are they all guys? Because I am a boy magnet hehehehe :p Do I still keep in contact? Of course I do :D


The super big Pikachu I had which my dad forced me to throw away.... :(




Something that will not happen ever again....


I look so regal. :D




Tata.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Happy 15th, Huishan!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUISHAN!
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY 15, HALFWAY TO 30!!!! :D


Will blog about today tomorrow, lots of pictures!! \m/ \m/


***

Anyway, I am drifting further and further away from my family. :/ It's like, everytime I come home, my parents will not say, "Welcome home," as they used to... instead, they'll start nagging at me and the things that I have not done, such as ironing the clothes. They'll interrogate me, "Are you controlling your SMSes?" "Did you go out with a boy or a girl?" "Are you spending your money wisely?" and shit like that.

I'm just so tired of it..... tired of them calling me a 'rebellious girl' who is going through a 'phrase'. Tired of them not acknowledging my academic achievements. Tired of them downplaying my achievements and magnifying my mistakes. Tired of being compared to my brother. Tired of being seen as the stupid, rude, irresponsible, unreliable, foul-mouthed, uncouth, fickle, spendthrift, frivolous, materialistic, anti-social, unfilial and uncooperative daughter.

They call me cold, unfeeling, emotionless and uncaring and how they worry that I will forget that I am human. They say that my heart is just a fragmented shell and I have forgotten what is it like to sincerely love and care for someone. They look at me straight in the eyes, and I look right back in their eyes, and it is all written in their eyes: you are a disappointment, you are not our ideal daughter, why can't you be good enough, you are the family's disgrace, you are not smart enough, you are not working hard enough, you are not contributing to the family enough, YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH.

It's all there, whatever they want to say but cannot say for it is too heartless. Too mean to throw at a 14 year old girl.... but I can see it all in their eyes.

Is it my fault, really, that I want to isolate myself from them? I only know that I will disappoint them further. Even my first in class was rewarded with much reluctance. I just asked for dinner at Pizza Hut... my dad had to ask my mother for permission first, because she hates pizza. Then while we were there, my mom kept grumbling, "I can't eat anything, I hate everything here." My brother had to add in, "Yeah lor never think for mummy."

Wtf... ? That's all I get for working hard to get first in class? That's all I fucking get? :/ A treat at Pizzahut (and the food there isn't even that expensive) thrown in with lots of grumbling and complains? I thought when I get rewarded, I should get what I like, and not what other people like damnit.

Where's the justice in that? I really don't see it, can someone point it out to me? :/ And I'm supposed to be happy and sweet and obedient and docile and gentle and all. Um wtf why should I, really?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Shanshan~




Visited Huishan today, poor girl is grounded (mwahahahaha loser :P)
Played Boggle then Monopoly (and she got bored...) and then we talked for a while before watching Finding Nemo and then talking somemore before I left. :D

Oh yeah, she's a vampire..... lives in darkness. I swear. >.> Windows are closed, curtains are drawn, no lights are on and the door is closed. Edward Cullen much? :p

Plus, she did not want to take any pictures with me boohoo :(




Threatening to throw the cookie at her if she did not stop taking candid pictures of me >.>

HAHAHAH THEN I SPLIT SYRUPY WATER ALL OVER HER TABLE AND FLOOR AND SHE HAD TO CLEAN UP AFTER ME..... :D:D:D:D:D



Slave! >:) Mwahahahahahahahhaa






Has to pack up the game herself, while I....



Snapped away. :D:D:D

Sorry, I am a born ~~slacker~~ 8) 8)



She finally realized the existence of her house's store room............... kuakuakua~



And I have shiny, healthy hair! :D
Anyway, then I was using her computer, when suddenly I heard someone proudly state, "I AM A GHOST!"

I turned my head.



........................................................................



I have nothing to say. :p

Blew bubbles in her room hahahaha


Then I left......... ALONE......... :(
Don't want to send me to the bus stop hmph.

And then Junhao stood me up, so I had to walk home alone nabeh. LOL. At least I think I've burned some fats. :O

Silent tears

Didn't had a good sleep last night........
Laid in bed and my eyes just would not shut. I think it was too swollen, I guess. I don't even think it was humanly possible, I cried and cried and cried from 12am to about 4am before I got out of bed and made myself some hot milo to cool myself down.

Finally slept around 7am but had to wake up at 9am for tuition anyway.

It was the quietest session ever.
And that's because I didn't had the mood to talk, it was as if my lips were sealed shut.

I am just so tired of this thing called 'life'. Maybe it's because of all the pain I carry on my heart. "Don't be silly, you're only 14, what can you go through that could be so traumatizing?" Well, I would blog about it, but I wouldn't like to have the whole world know what the fuck is wrong with me....

Sigh.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Tan Hui Shan



solar bear says (5:53 PM):
*HAHAHA YOUR DP REALLY DAMN FUNNY
(H) says (5:54 PM):
*it will hypnotize you into rubbing your cheeks as well
solar bear says (5:54 PM):
*Uh no
*Hahaha
(H) says (5:54 PM):
*play along leh
*"oh mai gawdz why am i rubbing my cheek"
solar bear says (5:55 PM):
*HAHAHAHA
*"oh noes my hands are STUCK to my cheeks!!"
(H) says (5:55 PM):
*"I AM TYPING WITH MY CUTE DAINTY LITTLE TOEEEES!!!"
solar bear says (5:56 PM):
*HAHAHA
*"I'm psychicing the keyboard to type!"
*"oooh scary"
(H) says (5:56 PM):
*"what is psychicing"
solar bear says (5:57 PM):
*"Using magical forces controlled by my mind to type"
(H) says (5:58 PM):
*"BLACK MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!1 WIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 *rubs cheeks and glares increduously at you*"
solar bear says (5:58 PM):
*"NOOO IT'S PSYCHIC!!"
(H) says (5:59 PM):
*"BLACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!"
solar bear says (5:59 PM):
*"PSYCHHIIIIIC!"
*"*gasp*"
**runs away*
(H) says (5:59 PM):
*"liar liar liar CHEEKS ON FIRE"
solar bear says (5:59 PM):
**disappeares into thin air*
*HAHAHA
*disappears*
*HAHAHAHA

Picspam (ok not really)


Here Jennifer, here's an emo one for you. :p Suits your personality perfectly. :p


I really like this! :D I made the background all by myself. :p The picture has been rotting in my folder, and I've forgotten what's the artist's name already, so sorry for not giving proper credits! :/
(Purposely post up the slightly pixelated version of this. So if anyone want to steal, fine, you can have the low-res version while I have the high-res version. Mwahahahaha! -_-)

Evidence of how bad Junhao's chinese is:


Spot the mistakes! :p




Hehehehehehehe :x



Taken about a million years ago. LOL. PE lessons, duh.



Boyfriend ignoring meeeeeeeeeeee........... :'(



Oh yeah see that green tank? I made it myself. :D

Okay bye, time to eat! KFC delivery from my dad :D HAHAHA. Lovelove!

Shalala~

It's 4.30am and I'm still not asleep yet. I guess it's all thanks to my afternoon nap :p

Met 豪哥 for dinner at Seoul Garden~ :) Was supposed to pick up my ahma after that, but she changed it to Sunday instead, so....... :D



My ahma :D

Anyway, since I am all alone and bored, decided to photoshop~ :3







I have no life. :p

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Through the years,

2007.






2008.








2009.






:O Jennifer looks so different!
I look just about the same...... I think. >.>

***

alone might be just a singular word, but there's so many variations to it. there's the alone of being in an empty room. there's the alone of the stillicide tears from your eyes in that same empty room. there's the alone of being caught in the throng of people. there's the alone of missing a particular person. and there's the alone of being with a particular person and realizing you are still alone....

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Never alone



I seriously don't know why I bothered to go for my Chinese oral today. -.-
I mean, what difference will it make to my results? I can't read the passage, I can't hold a proper conversation in Chinese. Obviously, I'll fail my oral. It's out of 40, I can confidently assure y'all that my results will be <10.

Wenkai committed a social faux pas :p Ahem ahem. Haha.
Went to the coffeeshop after oral and gossiped :3 For a few hours, hahaha.

ANYWAY! :D I hate being pushed :/ Tsk...

Okay, skip skip skip. I want to look like this man:



LOL. Okay I just want his hair. His arms are fucking freaky!

Speaking of which.... found another of my sec1 picture, with Jasmine :D



Haha! I miss you, woman! <3

It's not suicide if you're already dying



Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
Instead there is only silence,
Can't you hear my screams?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are
But one thing's for sure,
You're always in my heart

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul

Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul
Living in agony 'cause I just do not know
Where you are

- Within Temptations, Somewhere

***



:)

Love isn't easy, it's damn hard - makes me go through things that I've hoped I never have to.

But maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.

I guess, the marvelous thing about love is that it's always worth it in the end.

***

Woah fuck man, thanks a lot, my dear buddy. What the fuck is your problem? You said, "Here I am!" And then your "Here I am!" becomes "Here I go!" IN THE FUCKING BLINK OF AN EYE. Wow, thanks a lot, thanks a whole fucking lot! -.- WHAT A RELIABLE FRIEND YOU ARE, HUH? Fuck this, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? How many TIMES do you fucking plan to fucking disappoint me? How many fucking times do you plan to execute your fucking disappearing act? URGH fuck you! FUCK YOU AND YOUR ISSUES! FUCK YOU AND YOUR INSECURITIES! FUCK YOU AND YOUR LIES! FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK FUCK YOU! You fucking cunt, fucking whore, fucking let-down. FUCK YOU AND ALL THAT YOU STAND FOR. FUCKING BITCH, WHEN YOU DIE, EVEN THE FUCKING FLIES WON'T REST ON YOUR FUCKING CORPSE. YOU WILL BE THAT SECLUDED. You think you're hot shit, but you're just a cold fart warmed up. Dickhead.

:)

Happy 15th birthday, my love~ :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Figureheads

I remembered there was once, when I was still living at Woodlands, I had a big fall out with my mother. I do not remember what the argument was about, but I remembered her shouting at me and me crying helplessly and then running to my bedroom, and I slept for the whole day. I did get up, but I did not get out. I stayed in my bed, crying and hurting from her caustic remarks.

I ignored my grandmother when she said to come eat, and she got upset. She said I was shrinking and soon I'll be nothing but skin and bones. I did not shower, and my grandmother was even more upset.

Then I heard the door open, my mom was back from work. Knowing that she was at home, I squirmed into a tighter ball in my bed, thinking it would get me further from her. I pretended to be asleep, closing my eyes tight. Too tightly. When I heard nothing, I opened one eye for a fleeting moment and saw a shadow in front of me. I got scared, thinking it was a ghost and sat up straight and realized, horror-stricken, it was my mother.

I slunk away from her, clutching my bolster tighter to me, as though it would protect me from her. My mother gently pulled the bolster away from me - I did not put up a fight - and placed something else in my arms, something soft and furry. Curious, I pulled my eyes away from her and looked down in my arms - it was a toy dog.

When I looked up at her again, she said, "Sorry sweetie, for yelling at you yesterday. I did not mean what I said." Then she hugged me and I hugged her back, with the toy dog nestling very nicely between us.

Felt like a happy family.

Felt.

But things are different now, 8 years later. This home at Tampines has a different atmosphere. The family is different too. My grandmother now resides at Redhill and there is another man who is married to my mother now, whom I call my stepfather. This home, this home... this home is a museum of fleeting smiles, scarce mutual agreements and hurtful words. The basic requirements? Do excellently in school and keep the two figureheads pleased.

If you do not meet the requirements, they will throw words at you, words that do not encompasses love. Words that are meant to bite, to hurt, to pain. Sometimes I do not cry when such things are said, but sometimes I do. And when they see your tears, they will stop but they will say nothing. When I was younger, my mother would creep into my room, hug me, apologize. Sometimes she would even throw in a free plush toy.

But as I grew up, and as my mother remarried, it all stopped. And suddenly, apologies become halfhearted and old, and I realized that out of obligation, I had to accept these apologies. I could not say, "No, I do not forgive you for all the things you've said." I could not. But I had to apologize as well, "Sorry for making you angry." "Sorry for being the spark to your fuse." Sorry for this and sorry for that. I will always apologize, but I have stopped long ago being sincere about the apologies.

I am sorry is a lie as to I am fine.

But I will never say a word, not even a whimper. I will not raise my voice, I will not retaliate, I will not lose my temper. Only take the punishment, something I do not deserve. I was taught that this is discipline, this is something that I deserve, something everyone goes through. I deserved to be shown hate, because hate will discipline me. Love will only pamper and spoil me, in the end. I will not reap any returns. But hate, hate will help me.

One day, I will gather my courage and scream out, "Do not touch me!"
And I will run as far as the wind carries me, and I will not look back.

Wtf?!

Phone bill came in today.......
My dad came in my room, smacked me with the letter, and told me that my bill has doubled to.....

$112.

._. Wtf? 2558 smses, apparently. OKAAAAAAAAAY. Omg and now he's threatening to confiscate my phone. >.> Either that, or pay my own bills. T_T Which I am incapable of, obviously.

I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.
I'll cut down on my smses and limit myself to 10 smses per day.

URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :(

10 only leh, sorry Junhao I can't sms you that much anymore >.> And how will my blogshop survive, how will my customers contact me when I can't reply their smses?! DAMNIT!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Mwahahahaha

JunHao- says (10:51 PM):
*LOL
*Okok
*Honestly la,
*the 1st time i saw you,
*i already have a ''thing'' for you =O
*ABIT la
*=P
(H) says (10:51 PM):
*._. CAMP?
JunHao- says (10:52 PM):
*Yeah
*=P

Junhao liked me ever since camp! :O :B :D

Hehehehe :>

This just keeps getting better

While you were sleeping I figured out everything. I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me. Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins. You shine so bright, its insane; you put the sun to shame.

***




Fuck I miss my long hair >.>

***

Anyway, I apologize for the lengthy posts lately. As you can see, I've not been in the best of mood lately. :/ Shall not go too deep into it, because you see, I quote, "it's wrong to reveal too much of my personal life." :O

It's so sad, isn't it? Just because you people don't understand me or don't agree with me doesn't mean I'm wrong. It's the hardest thing to do, but often, standing up for what's right means standing alone.

When what I need the most is someone to be there by my side.

Science VS Religion

'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!'

He considers for a moment, 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues.

'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one, 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters, 'From God.'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir...'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'


Again, the student has no answer.

'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question, 'Who created them?'

There is still no answer... Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing, 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'


'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'


'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet.

The student begins to explain...

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.'

'Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero(-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'


The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time, 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains...

'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.'


'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it...'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'


The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks around the room, 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers, 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues, 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'


Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. . Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down, defeated.