RANDOM PICTURES :B

DURING THE MANGROVE TRIP. :D You know, there's one picture that Janice took of me from her phone that fucking looks like I'm in Heaven?!?!


RIIIIIIIIIGHT? :x

Haha okay, I'm just bored. :( Had a tiff with my mom and she's giving me the cold shoulders. :B Oh well. Let's blog about how it happened ^^

Yesterday, I was supposed to go to my ahma's house along with my family, but I told them on Saturday I'm not going because my friends are coming over. And then they woke me up yesterday at like, 10am and told me to go get ready. I said, "I'm not going what!"

And then my mom started yelling at me. -__- Like, "Oh, so friends are more important than your ahma lah?" Then I was like, damn irritated, because how many times have I 'represented' the family and went to visit ahma on my own? This is the first time I didn't go, not including the times I fell sick.

I was still in bed, so while she was yelling at me, I just closed my eyes. AND SHE STARTED SLAPPING ME ALL OVER AND ACCUSING ME OF SAYING "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH" when I was just ignoring her!!!!

I yelled at her to stop hitting me because it hurts and also that I didn't say anything and don't hit people when they've done nothing to offend you. And then she snatched my handphone away, and I SCREAMED at her to give it back to me, because I was already SO irritated by her unreasonableness.

My dad came in and said, "What's the matter? What's with all the screaming?" And my mom immediately said, "YOUR DAUGHTER LAH! SAID BLAH, BLAH, BLAH WHILE I WAS TALKING TO HER!"

I was like, "I SAID NOTHING PLEASE, WHY WOULD I DO SUCH A STUPID THING JUST TO GET A BEATING?"

And my dad started hitting me because he's henpecked and always listen to my mom.

That's when I lost it and said, "GOOD PARENTS NEVER HIT THEIR CHILD UNNECESSARILY, GOOD PARENTS AREN'T ABUSIVE, SERIOUSLY, MUMMY ALREADY LEFT BRUISES ON MY SKIN, IT HURTS OKAY, STOP IT." Then I started screaming for them to go away and just leave me alone.

Then they just walked out of my room without a goddamn apology! -______- My dad just ruffled my hair and laughed.

....... so fed up. They still haven't apologized. -_- Tsk.

How is anything my fault?! I swear they hit me all the damn time. My dad likes to pinch me on the back. My mom likes to smack me with a lot of force on my ass. She once used a clothes pole (is that what it's called? Y'know, the pole you hang clothes on to dry) to hit me on the back 3 times and SHE DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE.

Abusive much?!

URGH. So irritated.

This post sounds very childish HAHAHA.

Meh, today sucked. :B I had to cut all my lines because we were rushing for time, so I just said "Hi" and "Goodbye" and that was it. Even Jen, who was pissed at me, was like, "I'm not even pissed at you anymore, that's not even emceeing."

Sad life! Rushed home after school to meet my ahma. Woo. Ok, bye.

Jingting and Carolyn came over to make cupcakes today. :)
FOR THE FIRST TIME, JINGTING WORE A PROPER SHIRT TO MEET ME. She always wear school shirts (like PE shirt, camp shirt, class tee or whatever) whenever she meets me, because she says I will criticize her choice of clothes. -__- I'm not so mean please!






Do you like my cupcake holders from Daiso hehe :B DAMN CUTE I KNOW. Carolyn was like, "Can we not use this?! THEY'RE TOO CUTE TO BE USED!!!!"




I shall entertain you guys with a story.


That is melted plastic. Guess how it got melted?

Okay, before baking, you're always supposed to preheat the oven. So I did! :D

................... AND I FORGOT TO TAKE THE THINGS THAT WERE INSIDE OF THE OVEN OUT OF IT. -_-

And there is was (well, it's not there anymore) a plastic container inside (don't ask me why, my dad placed it there).

So, I went to my room after I did the settings for the oven to talk to Junhao. I smelt something burning after 5 minutes, and I went down to check....

THERE WAS SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE OVEN. And then it hit me: "OMG THERE ARE THINGS IN THE OVEN!!!!" I scolded Carol & Jingting because HOW CAN THEY NOT NOTICE THE SMELL?!!?!! AND THE SMOKE!!!! When they're just right beside the oven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, quickly switched off the oven's switch and quickly took everything out (thank god there's only one plastic container inside) and had to throw away the filter papers that were inside (totally burnt) and quickly scraped the melted plastic off the base of the oven. :B Jingting was a great help, hehe, thanks. :p

Also, I was praying fervently for my parents and brother to not reach home yet. Because if they do, I will be in deep shit. :x Cleaned up the mess, and my parents have not said anything yet, so... I'm safe! :D

Until my dad noticed the filter papers are missing, of course. :p


Jingting bowing down to me before she leaves. ;) Must thank the goddess mah. HAHA. :p

Wooooooooooooooooooo EMCEEING TMR. So nervous + exciting. My heart is doing somersaults and my stomach is flipping around. :B Heh.

KK BAIIIIS.

My family is going out for a midnight movie, leaving me all alone at home. :( Sigh. AT MIDNIGHT. They'll come home and find me dead (ok choy). :(

-

Edited at 12:25am

I am crying. Hm. ಠ_ಠ

您好小女孩和男孩! :D

今天, I woke up late and didn't had time to change out of my pajamas before meeting Naj to pass her her things, so I went to the bus stop near my house.... in my pajamas lol. :B Haha, and I waited for the next bus with her, STILL in my pajamas with very greasy hair. See, the ultimate sacrifice. :x

She messaged me "Thanks!" again after she got on the bus, and I replied, "See, I'm not the bitch you thought I was, right?" HEHEHE. And she replied with an embarrassed emoticon. Awwww. :B Oh yeah, she thought I was a bitch since secondary 1. Hurt my feelings only~

然后, had tuition, then went to change and met Ms Nah at Starbucks! I was the earliest. :D We proceeded to Swensens, Ms Nah's treat! Woohoo. :B She is a really nice teacher. :) Haha. Then we went to my house to discuss about our debate more, and she left, and then Max left, and it left Jen, Raina & me.

如此, we, or rather just Raina and me, observed Jen dancing around in her denim 'tutu' dress. Raina is a really good singer! She sings beautifully, along with Jen. I feel so inferiorrrrr... :( Ok, nevermind. :p They left around 6pm. So, pictures! ;)







Oh yeah, I was feeling thirsty, so I asked Jen to go to the convenience store near my house to get me peach tea. She said she is hungry and wanted to make instant noodles, and I didn't have any more packets of instant noodles. So guess what? She went to buy one whole packet, using my money!!! :( Sad. I have no more $$ already. :(

Some random pictures taken during the last few weeks:





While studying Physics. Just look at the amount of hair I dropped. -__- I reckon I'm dying.

Tomorrow, Jingting, Carolyn and idk who else are going to come to my house to bake cupcakes for Teacher's Day! :B So exciting. ^^ I like my house, it's big enough to host a party. HAHA. :p

Baibais chikas. :D

Random ramblings

It is 12.47am and I'm not sleepy and I'm very bored.

I have tuition at 10am tomorrow, but I am supposed to be awake by 8.30am as Najeera is going to come at 9am to collect the supplies needed for Teacher's Day (sad girl, has to go back to school on a weekend just to decorate the hall) so I need to be awake. :B

And then after tuition, I am going to meet Jen, Raina, Max and Ms Nah at Starbucks to discuss about our upcoming debate at the Literature Fest this Saturday... which also means that I won't be going for EL oral next week! I'm excused. With the rest. ;)

Hopefully, my Sunday is free. I am so exhausted, totally swamped with school stuffs. Oh, and I'll be the emcee for Teacher's Day! Solo. Haha. I'll just start the program and end off the program, but during the concert, it will be the teachers emceeing. I don't understand my school, how can they let teachers emcee on Teacher's Day? -__-

I've already came up with my script! :) I am very nervous because I'll be up on the stage alone. >.> Amirul was supposed to go up with me but he decided not to at the very last minute, so if you're reading this right now (Amirul), you suck. :p Haha.

During Girl Guides today, we elected our CL (Company Leader) and ACL (Assistant CL)! ^^ Joanna and Natalie respectively, all the best to the two of you alright. ;) Oh and Ms Quek taught us how to sew today! I felt so GIRLY. :B

Ooooh got back my results today!

EL - 73 (A2)
MT - 48 (D7)
Maths - 83.5 (A1)
Comb Hum (SS + Lit) - 61 (B4)
F&N - 60 (B4)

Haven't got back Science results. Hm, very disappointed with my results! :( I did very well for Literature, 80/100. But I failed my SS test, so dragged down my overall to a B4. :( Sad sad, very sad. As for F&N, could have gotten an A, but I failed 2 practicals. EL is a disappointment too, I'm maintaining an A but I'm not maintaining my top position. Which is saaaaaaaad. :(

I am only pleased with Maths. HAHA. And Chinese... my first time getting so close to passing! I improved by 2 grades! Woohoo. \m/

I sound like such a typical student, heh. >.> Sorry, I lack a life right now as my exams are approaching and I'm studying my balls off.

It is currently 1.01am and I am going to sleep now! :D

Baibais chibais.

Love is worth fighting for, but you can't be the only one fighting. At times, they need to fight for you. If they don't, you have to realize what you gave them was way more than what they were willing to give you. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. It isn't fair if you keep on giving so much to the relationship, and end up receiving nothing in return. A girl deserves a boy that will love her for who she is, accept her for who she is and will not try to change the girl. A girl deserves a boy that will see her sacrifices and appreciates it openly. And if he doesn't, then you should realize that you deserve better.

You said you don't know what to do, well, here's a solution: move on. Stop over-analyzing the situation, stop thinking of what-ifs, stop justifying what could have, would have happened - just leave the pieces on the floor and move on. Some things in life, they just defy all logic and there are no answers. And promises are just words until they are fulfilled. You can never find the right person if you can never let go of the wrong.

Just forget what you want and remember what you deserve. When you're young, everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning of your life! You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day, you're going to meet a boy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. We are only 15, don't expect to find your husband at this age. True love never ends, and if it has ended, then it wasn't meant to be.

To hell with my pride, tonight I cry

I need to pour out this expansive dose of words but I just can’t explain. I need to be alone. I know the timing isn’t great, but these things, you just can’t plan. I just need a little time so I can find myself again because I get buried underneath all the things people think I am, and I’m too tired to pretend it doesn’t hurt.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. It takes up most of your time, and what do you get at the end? A death. I think it should all go backwards. You should die first, to get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, then you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating, then you finish off as an orgasm.

I always smiled. I'm always smiling, even when my heart is broken. I'm sad but I refuse to show it. I have a lot of problems but I refuse to share it. I have a lot of tears but I refuse to shed it. I'm hurt but I pretend it doesn't and brush it off. I'm disappointed by you but I don't tell you. I'm confused by your words but I pretend to understand. I'm insulted by you but I laugh and pretend it doesn't affect me.

I am the most pretentious person I know, and I sicken myself.

How stupid are you

1. [ ] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [ ] Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. [x] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [xHave looked for something for at least 5 min then realized it was in your hand
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said pull
10.[x] Tried to pull open a door that said push

Running total: 8

11. [ ] Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love-potion
12. [x]Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. [x] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. [ ] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. [x] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. [ ] Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. [x] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. [x] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

Running total: 15

21. [ ] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. [x] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. [x] Have run into a closed door
24. [x] Burned your finger on a lamp that was flaming hot
25. [x] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. [x] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. [ ] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [x] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [x] Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock

Running total: 23

31. [x] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. [x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. [ ] Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc when its on, even though you knew it was hot
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. [x] Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. [x] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. [x] Walked into a pole
40. [x]Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

Running total: 32

41. [x] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. [x] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on
43. [x] Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. [x] Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. [x] Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there, you forgot what it is was that you were going to do
46. [x] Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. [x] Have poked yourself in the eye
49. [x] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on (lazy)
50. [ ] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

Running total: 41

51. [x] Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was
55. [ ] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. [ ] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on
57. [x] Got up early and got ready for school/work, then realized that you didn't have school/work that day
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny

Running total: 49

61. [ ] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. [x] Said funner then had someone make fun of you for it
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [x] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it - (I still can't find my Disney stamps)
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. [x] Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

Running total: 58

71. [ ] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. [ ] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. [x] Ran into a door
74. [x] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. [x] Have purposely licked playground sand
77. [x] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. [ ] Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. [x]Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would hurt

Running total: 65

81. [x] Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off on someone else
82. [x] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. [ ] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. [x] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. [x] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. [ ] Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked funny
88. [x] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. [x] Have flung forks at people in a restaurant
89. [ ] Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.

Running total: 72

91. [x] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [x] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [x] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. [x] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. [x] Have started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. [x] Read a whole book but during the whole book you weren’t even paying attention
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. [x] When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling
99. [ ] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class
100. [ ] Have popped a balloon in your mouth

Total: 80/100 (Hehe A1 leh~)

Here’s to the starry nights and to careless freedom. To glowing smiles and to flushed cheeks from laughter that heals you deep inside.

-

Very, very tired. :( :( :(
Just got back home, went for Teacher's Day rehearsal. I like the performances. :) I helped out with certain stuffs because I am helpful like that. ;)

Hehe I am also very pleased to say that my Chinese improved by 2 grades! :D I still fail, but whatever. 48 marks. :) It may not seem much to you. But it's already considered an improvement for me.

And my English... 73! :D Woohoo. A2. I'm still striving for an A1 but it's so difficult. :( I only got 16/25 for my summary test (I suck balls at summarizing) but thank goodness for the Reader's Theatre, which I was graded 17/20 for. WOOHOO. Pulled my overall up from a lousy B4 to A2. Hehehe.

Chemistry - 72. :D I seriously suck at acid, base & salt. -_- And SOOOO MANY FORMULAS TO MEMORIZE WAAAAAAAAAAAH sucks ball manzxszxs. :(

-

When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, caring for you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that is able to leave you so willingly.

On Saturday, I went to meet Jennifer to buy Teacher's Day presents! :D Such good students right, hehe. :B Anyway, we got this "Teacher's Report Books" that were being sold at Action City, and the store assistance gave us 10% off~ :)

Oh, and I had my J.CO yogurt. Hehe :D
Went to my house to design the box & she left at 8pm, and I went for my family dinner :)





Seems like she's doing all the work, but that's because I'm always the photographer! :p And I love the skirt that I was wearing that day. :> Jennifer's mom said I look feminine! And it was the first time someone said I was FEMININE. Haha :x


Pretty details, no? :)

My aunt's friends from Australia came to visit, and they brought over tons of gums + sweets! Happy happy. :D

Anyway, I won't blog about my trip to the zoo because it's boring (and fucking smelly) but I AM SERIOUSLY TRAUMATIZED


THE MONKEY'S ASS IS FUCKING HEART SHAPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

._.

No big deal, I know, but GROSSSSSSSSSSS :x I mean, whenever I draw a heart shape now, I think of THAT PICTURE.

Hearts have just lost their cuteness appeal :(
And I know hearts don't look like that lah, but that's how I draw it mah. I'm not so stupid, I'm a science student~ ;)

Tomorrow is my 5th month with Junhao...... :D

Idk what's wrong with me but I'm dropping hair like crazy and dropping weight like crazy. I've been sleeping so much but yet I feel so tired. Yesterday I started puking and I had a really bad headache so I went to sleep at like what, 5pm+ and I only woke up today (due to school). Right now my stomach is fucking empty since I haven't had a proper meal since Saturday. Just tidbits. But I srsly have no appetite :/

+ my camera's usb cable is screwing up as well. O wells.

I feel so fucking betrayed.

I don't see the point in me being there for my friends anymore. I don't see the fucking use if they don't appreciate what I've done for them. So what if I have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean that I don't give a fuck about you. I've always been there for you whenever the fucking situation calls for it and she only cares about you now because you finally confess to her about how you fucking felt. And suddenly she's so much more important than me. Open your fucking eyes, get a fucking brain. Do you really fucking think she'll always be there for you? She'll leave you again and you'll be fucking hurt again. It's like a fucking pattern but you've yet to fucking notice it. Stupid or what?

FUCK YOU. Urgh srsly fuck you. How fucking stupid can you get???

I don't want to talk to you anymore, you're so fucking exasperating. I might be the girl among us two, but I definitely have more balls than you.

Alicia & me. :D I cropped myself out because I think I look very pretty hehe. Whaaaaaat lah everyone has their deluded moments right?!

-

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either, there isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world, it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one constantly asks you what's wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take "I don't know" for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe (this was a few months ago)

-

"This is for you, my best friend. The one person I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, who I can cry to when times are tough, who can help me with the problems of my life. Never have you turned your back on me or told me I wasn't good enough or let me down. I don't think you know what that means to me. You have gone through so much pain and you still have time for me and I love you for listening even when you're dying inside. And I look up to you because you're strong, and caring, and beautiful, even though you don't think you are. And I hope you know that I'm always here to listen to you laugh and cry and help in all the ways that I can, and I will try to be at least half the friend you are to me. I hope you know I would not be the person I am today without you, my best friend. Thanks for being the friend who always believed in me, who always understood, who always accepted me, who always cared."

Sigh...

We are all individuals but we are all not individualists. In a world of comparison and conformity, make your own statement. Honour your own truth. Have the courage to be yourself; risk speaking your own thoughts and claiming your emotions. Share your vulnerabilities, tears, doubts, and insecurities; let others experience the real you. Have the courage to be yourself and realize that you're a wonderful person. There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in independence, individuality and integrity. :)

-

Today is taking a toll on me and my patience. :( Really want to cry but I think the faucet in my eyes are turned off because I'm not crying. Or maybe I'm just getting more emotionally sensible. Point is, I'm tired, I hate waiting and I want to sleep.

Except I still have to iron Girl Guides uniform for tmr and also my Guides cookies money. :/ Seems like I only have three paid orders so I'll just have to hand in the form tmr with just 3 orders.

I cannot stand my boyfriend! He put up Nuffnang ads on my blog and told me it was because he wanted to see how many visitors I get, and a few minutes ago, he was like, "Hah! I have more visitors than you."

... I was like o_o > O_O > ._. > -_-

So competitive. :p

Anyway!!!


Hehehehehe :x

Oh yeah, and today, there was another sex talk during STAR lessons. -___- It was about STDs and I would have left if I knew that THEY WOULD SHOW PICTURES OF INFECTED GENITALS! It was so gross, I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Carolyn just laughed at me :(

I am scarred for life. :(

---

Me: It's ok, time flies fast. :)
You: But it jogs on the spot when I miss you :(

Recollection

The girl in this photo grew up to look like this.........


And then there was me in 2008...


(Ok I'm just putting this up to show off the DSLR that was mine for a few days before I had to return it to it's original owner. :D)

Long hair in early 08, and then...


Short. Anyway, the second picture was when I was healthy! As in, not anorexic. I think I was about 48kg? And then I started starving myself and things pretty much took a spiral downwards from there....


When I was anorexic.

Anyway, I starved myself because I believed myself to be hideous and that nobody loved me and that I was alone. I was also pretty depressed. My weight dropped from 48 to like, 32? And I didn't tell anyone, I pretty much kept my insane dieting to myself. It was a tough period, because I felt that no one cared - a delusion that no one cared, and I sunk so deep till I was depressed.

It was very tiring, because I had to go to school and I acted as though I was happy. Usually, I'll go home after school and cry, just cry until I fall asleep. That led to an irregular sleeping pattern which affected my physical condition, which was already worsened because I wasn't eating every day.

Nobody could tell that I was in such deep shit, because they couldn't tell.

I mean, you put on a facade every day and pretty soon you'll be a seasoned pro at it. You will be able to hide it from your family, from your boyfriend, from your friends, even your best friends. Because you've become so damn good at concealing your feelings.

I was diagnosed around August 2008 (would not rather explain how...) and I was given antidepressants and I was sent to a therapist and I was told to keep a diary that wasn't personal, because my therapist had to read them to understand my problems in school, at home, etc.

Anyway, I got better. I never told anyone but I'm just writing it here today because... well, it has been so long. And I'm not ashamed of this secret anymore. I'm of a healthy weight now btw. :)

This is just a summarized version of everything, which is good enough. :D

No matter how long it takes, it will get better. No matter how many tears fall there will always be a time when your eyes drop crying and your eyes start shining again. Just know that everything will be all right no matter what you, he or she thinks. Because life is nothing but a big elastic band. Stretched to one end, it will always bounce back to the beginning, in the end.

Once you've lost something, you lose it forever, no matter how desperately you cling on to it. That's why I always said treasure what you have now, who you have now... because they might disappear from you one day. And you will only have memories to hold. Just memories.

When two people fall in love and then fall apart, the falling isn't always the same. One party will definitely be more hurt than the another, because one cared more. It's upsetting to think that someone can, after so long, so many memories and so much love, just turn around and say, "Sorry, I don't love you anymore." After everything they have gone through, it hurts to think about how somebody can change their mind on such a thing as their love for another. I can’t even begin to understand the reasons behind this. I know things change and nothing lasts, but I just can’t seem to comprehend how can a feeling change, just like that, in a blink of an eye?

It scares me, because in love, you're so exposed, so vulnerable, so weak. You can only pray that when the fairytale ends, you'll still be whole enough to breathe. Because you find people, and then you lose them. And it's the goodbyes that you'd never thought you had to say that hurt the most. My mom once told me once someone dear to you leaves, cry a river, build a bridge and get over it. But how do you start on building, when someone who has built you up had only left you to fall in the end?

I don't like it when people fall apart. Once people are broken in certain ways, they can never be fixed. The damage is permanent; there would always be scars. Even if the scars fade, the memory of how painful it was will always be there, floating delicately through your mind, the aftershock still traveling in the veins.

You know when you’ve found it because you feel it when they take it away.

(PS: No I am not single again. Just blogged this because some of my friends have to change their status from attached to single.)

Been staying at home lately. :D Can't be fucked to go out and gallivant. MRT is too squeezy, the bus is too musky and walking is tiring. Idk, nowadays I rather stay at home and read a book. :B

Anyway, on Saturday, Huishan came over to study and ended up sleeping on my bed. I don't know what it is with my bed but everyone that comes over to my house will somehow end up asleep on my bed. I think they're all attracted to my smell or something.... :p Am not deluded!

I have pictures but I'm damn lazy to transfer. I'm transforming into Junhao >.>
Anyway I do have some pictures of my science project so....


Tadaaaaaaaaah :D

Whatever, I know it is not a Pythagoras switch but whatever. I'm lazy. Carolyn's lazy. 8) At least we came up with something that resembles one right..... :p



Me hard at work. :D Will upload the video.... soon.

(Note: During the presentation, people commented that my flooring is nice and that my room is very pretty. ;) Wooooo~)

I am hooked on J.CO's yogurt, no thanks to my mom.

Today I visited my ahma and her friends said I am very filial, because they see me visiting all the time. ;) Also, they said I am pretty and slender and that I will grow up to be a 'great beauty' hehehehehe..... ok, not true, but it is nice being complimented even if the compliments are not necessarily true.

Show you guys porn.........



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HEHE ok byeeeeeeeeeee :D

(PS: I don't want to go to school anymore! T_T)

When I'm sad, I like to sleep. My only relief is to sleep. When I'm sleeping, I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not lonely; I'm nothing.

It is saddening how you can just brush me away without a second thought.

-

And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

Huishan is currently at my house. :D I'm doing my Lit assignment, and she has just given up on A.Maths and is doing Geog now. While lying on my bed. PIG. :P She is still smsing her boyfriend from the time I met her (incorrigible, tsk).

Okay, baibai chibais. :D

13837 x your age x 73 = ?
Try it. You will get an interesting result. :D

Personality test

Quiz here: http://www.handwritingwizard.com/analysis.php

Wei uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Wei does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.

Wei will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.

Wei is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Wei doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Wei will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Wei believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.

Wei will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Wei's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Wei slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Wei can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Wei is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Wei basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Wei is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Something is incomplete in Wei's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Wei's sexual needs.

Wei is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Wei has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Wei fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Wei has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Wei just comes into someone's home and helps herself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Wei finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when she was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.