Goodbye

Looking back, I have this to regret: that too often when I loved, I did not say so.
- David Grayson

***

I can't un-think you. I can't un-feel your touch. I can't un-hear all your words and you can't un-say all the things that used to mean so much. I wish I could un-remember everything my heart's been through, but I'm finding it's impossible to do. I can't un-love you.

The drops of rain, they fall all over. This is driving me absolutely insane. Tidal waves, they rip right through me. Tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad. This hurts me more than anything you could say. Broken knucles, broken heart. You tried to run, I tried to hide. Still, we managed to collide. Fell so hard, matching scars. Held you close, felt so far. Hearts beating out of time. I'm screaming with no reason and no rhyme.

It's something about the way you shine in the light. You glow. Bright blue and pink in your cheeks. I just want you to know, you're not just another fish in the sea to me. And just like a balloon released into the blue sky, I'm letting you go reluctantly and with regret at best. But you tied me down with unanswered questions and mixed signals, so here's my plea for something stable because you refused to listen.

Dear Weiling,

Breathe in, breathe out - it's time to let him go. It's hard but you can do it. Never give up on yourself. You can't say you're happy when all you do is cry. You can try and try, but trying is just not enough. After a million, trillion, infinite tries, you'll notice that it just made things worse... so stop holding on. Nothing is going to change; it's like this and it will ALWAYS be like this. Let it all go, come on, just let it all go. I can't promise that it won't work and I can't promise that you'll be happy right away; it honestly takes a lot of time. However, I can promise you that once it's all said and done, you'll start brand new. You'll learn to smile and love again. It may take time but that's what you need. Time. :) Time for yourself, to work on yourself. Don't let the memories and the anguish of it stop you from being happy. If you have to be happy without him now, then you know what to do, don't you? You need to move on. Yeah, he's one out of a trillion. But you deserve better, babe. And you have friends that love you, friends whose love added all together is much, much more than how much he love(d) you. Don't doubt yourself anymore, don't overanalyze on things. When you know, you know. Be optimistic and view this as a blessing in disguise. As a chance to see if he is really the one for you, a chance to see if you couldn't find anyone better. If you don't give yourself a chance, you'll neever be able to say "I tried" because in reality, you didn't. You're a strong individual, you have inner strength that will keep you optimistic. Realize that, please. Smile not because you have to but because you deserve to. Don't waste your time crying over someone because he isn't checking on you or calling you because you don't know if you still have that spark. Get it over with, and don't waste your life crying over something that happened. Hey, at least it happened, right? :) Be strong for yourself, and you will stand out. I'm sure someone else, out there, is looking for you to make both you and him happy. Don't worry about love, because if it is meant to be, it will be. Destiny will bring you together. It's your life - now go out and live it! Don't dwell on past regrets and past miseries, it will only weaken you. And you've been through so much, so don't break down now, this is just a minor setback. You don't need boy love when you have your family's love, your friends' love! :D They're all rallying behind you, supporting you. They know you're heartbroken now, and hey, what are friends for? Their hugs are always available for you 24/7. And their hands are there for a purpose - to wipe your tears away. Please don't cry. Remember the advice you've given your girlfriends when their boyfriends broke up with them. Remember how mature and wise you were? Remember. Don't be so weak and fragile, this is so unlike you.

Because you can't make him love you if he don't.

With love, Weiling.