Maybe I'm crazy, but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by

I've taken ill again, so for the past 2 days, I've been spending the bulk of my time in bed, sleeping. Haha.

It kind of occurred to me that even though a lot of guys have been asking me out, none of them was really serious about a relationship. To them, for NOW, a girlfriend is just a trophy to carry about and to boast about, like, “Hey, I have a girlfriend!” They don’t really love you, y’know? They just want to be with you just for the sake of their pride and ego. They don’t really love you. Maybe they do like you, and you’re just a little more special to them compared to other girls, but you’re still a short-term fling.

And it kind of stings, because it’s like, you’re looked upon as… some kind of pawn. Not a girlfriend, but a confidence boost. And how derogatory is that?

I’m so sick of guys… guys who’re not serious about me, guys who wants to date me just because they just want a girlfriend, not because they love me. Or they just like me because of my looks. I’m not trying to insinuate that I’m pretty and attractive, I’m just stating from facts. These guys go all, “I like you because you’re pretty and slim,” and how superficial is that, liking me just for my appearance? It’s not even love, it’s not even like. Just a “Damn, you’re hot, want to go out with me?” kind of thing.

And it’s not just that, there’s this guy who claims that he loves me, yet he is still actively pursuing other girls (I know, because one of the other girl is my friend. Stupid much?) Like, gee, that shows how serious you are about relationships, doesn’t it?

I don’t know why I’m so affected by this shit. I’m just sick of falling in love, then falling apart. If you get what I mean. Seriously, I don’t know why guys like to play with girls’ hearts. It’s not fun, it’s not entertaining and it certainly isn’t cool and shows how manly you are. Yeah, so maybe you’re still young and you don’t want to settle down so fast. So what? You’re still breaking hearts. A relationship is not something to fuck around with. I apologize for the uncouth language and various expletives, but seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Stop stringing me along, please. I’m looking for a REAL relationship, I’m in for COMMITMENT and SINCERITY. I’m not in for flings and random hook-ups and messy making-out, because that’s not my style, not what I’m looking for. You want a good time, then don’t look for me.

It’s extremely amusing how guys always put up such a good act in front of you, being the kind Samaritan and all, then when you show an inkling of interest, they start shedding that image and become such a big fucking asshole. -___- So irritating. Alright, shall bear not one scintilla of ill will against this. I AM JUST SO VEXED WITH INSINCERE GUYS LAH. >:(

… actually I am also an idiot lor. Singaporean guys (who are my age) are usually immature. Why am I looking for love now?! I shall just… abstain from falling in love (no more roving eyes) and concentrate on my studies till I’m 21. :D