Thank you for being such a fabulous waste of time

Feeling better. :) Cooked for F&N today, paired with Justin because Carolyn is overseas and Anthony had to go for his PIMPLES CHECKUP (lolololol :x) and it was so fun because he [Justin] did all the washing! :B Hehe. For once, I didn't have to wash anything :D Btw to all those who refuse to believe me when I said my face used to be like Anthony's:



Believe me now? :P I look so disgusting! I know! HAHAHA. I had no idea why guys still liked me at that particular point of time. Like, so ugly?! Wtf was wrong with their taste manzxs.

Anyway, I was looking at family videos yesterday and I found my operation footage! LOL.



My insides. :P See that white thing? It's a tumour. Yeah I had a tumour and I had to remove it else I will die (okay, not so serious. Just some serious consequences or my body will start to malfunction or whatever) and the video is so damn gross. LOL.

I was sieving through the multitude of files in my folders yesterday and found this:

"My heart is in millions of shattered pieces and my whole body feels broken. The pain is pulsating throughout my whole body. Infiltrating every single vein and nerve and intoxicating my body, obliterating the happiness I initially had. Droplets of suffering, agony and pain stream out from empty holes. Feelings of helplessness, emptiness, desolation… I’m so close to the brink of suicide. I’m teetering between sanity and insanity.

When did I become so weak? So susceptible? Where is my strong self? Fuck, whenever you smile, a grin forces itself across my face, no matter how sad or mad I am. When you cry, I instantly feel your pain and want to cry with you. When I look at you, I know that there’s no one I could ever trust more, regardless of how many broken hearts I’ve had.

I’m falling apart. I’m barely breathing with a broken heart that’s still beating. I watched you walked away without a backwards glance a million times, and it was at those exact moments that my heart slowly became the fragmented shell it is today.

This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It feels like I’m being stabbed all over multiple times, continuously. Interminable pain. The ephemeral joys of my childhood long gone, replaced with disappointment after disappointment, each worse than the previous.

I can’t do this anymore."

I am so goddamn emotional. Haha.