I am so tired of school, so tired of studying.
So tired of copying notes, so tired of memorizing formulas, so tired of rushing projects, so tired of waking up early to go to school, so tired of education.
What I really want to do, is to break away from education, to stop learning about stuffs I am not interested in and concentrate on my interests and develop my interest into talent. Such as creating pretty objects, such as bracelets or clothes. I want to divulge in the beauty of nature and capture nature's finest moments. I want to break away from the fast paced world and live in my own world, carefree and with not a single responsibility. I want to live in a countryside, isolated from the city, isolated from everywhere else. I want to have a small garden thriving with flowers which I will tend to with love and care and a nice cottage house with a real fireplace. Which means I have to get away from Singapore, something I don't mind.
I just want to be by myself. I hate being here, I hate being surrounded by people who constantly shout and scream, I hate being surrounded by this chaos, I hate being surrounded by people who just stare and talk even though they know shit, I hate being surrounded by people who gossip too much, I hate being surrounded by people who loves to assume things and then assume its the truth, I hate being surrounded by people who I have to constantly explain things to, I hate being surrounded by people who I love yet I do not know how to show or express my love for. I hate experiencing guilt and remorse, I hate it whenever I want to say something but I bite my tongue because I worry so much that I will hurt their feelings. Everything is just exhausting me very much.
This is so beautiful, look at all those flowers and greenery.
In the morning I would wake up and water the plants, and rest in the open space, just soaking up the morning light, staring at the pretty skies and clouds. If it's raining, I'll wear wellies and just walk in the rain and enjoy every single moment of being embraced by the sky's tears.
And then I'll go for work, maybe I'll set up my very own bakery shop and I'll sell hand baked muffins and cupcakes and cookies and cakes and sweets and chocolates and all sort of yummy stuffs and the shop will be painted a cozy shade of brown and it'll be filled with antique stuffs and it will smell of good pastries.
Then when I go back home, it will be around seven and if my luck is good, there will be a thousand of stars twinkling and I'll lay down on the open space again, or maybe set up a hammock and enjoy the starry sight. Then I'll go back to my house and eat some food and take a shower, and then start designing some things that I can use or send to my friends.
And maybe I'll be lonely so I'll get a pet, maybe a dog, and live by myself with just a dog for a companion and on my birthday, I'll celebrate it by staying in my own bed and sipping a cup of warm mocha and reading a good book.
I'm leaving a "husband" or "family" out of this because I don't know if anyone will ever marry me and my family, well. I want to live without them. I'm not unfilial, I just like to be by myself. :)
But then again, dreams are only dreams. If this ever became a reality, I'll be overjoyed.
And then, if you want to get anywhere in life, you need an education. Or else people will look down on you or think you're stupid. And all because of education, love, family, health all get neglected. I hate education! I hate that its so important. I hate that I have to force myself to learn things I do not like. I hate that I have to keep pushing myself. I hate that nobody understand what I say. I hate that I blame myself for everything. I hate that I love so much that I end up giving up my own pride and dignity. I hate this, I hate complications, I want simplicity, I want to be a child again, I want to stop heaving all these unwanted and unneeded burdens on myself.
I also wish that I will turn into a better person. I need to stop getting jealous so easily, I need to stop all these thoughts of "I hope they stop being friends", I need to stop getting so obsessive over little problems, I need to stop worrying that no one will ever love me or accept me or agree with me. I need to stop bottling up thoughts and emotions in myself, in my heart because its getting heavier day by day and one day it, and I, might all just explode to tiny smithereens.
So tired of copying notes, so tired of memorizing formulas, so tired of rushing projects, so tired of waking up early to go to school, so tired of education.
What I really want to do, is to break away from education, to stop learning about stuffs I am not interested in and concentrate on my interests and develop my interest into talent. Such as creating pretty objects, such as bracelets or clothes. I want to divulge in the beauty of nature and capture nature's finest moments. I want to break away from the fast paced world and live in my own world, carefree and with not a single responsibility. I want to live in a countryside, isolated from the city, isolated from everywhere else. I want to have a small garden thriving with flowers which I will tend to with love and care and a nice cottage house with a real fireplace. Which means I have to get away from Singapore, something I don't mind.
I just want to be by myself. I hate being here, I hate being surrounded by people who constantly shout and scream, I hate being surrounded by this chaos, I hate being surrounded by people who just stare and talk even though they know shit, I hate being surrounded by people who gossip too much, I hate being surrounded by people who loves to assume things and then assume its the truth, I hate being surrounded by people who I have to constantly explain things to, I hate being surrounded by people who I love yet I do not know how to show or express my love for. I hate experiencing guilt and remorse, I hate it whenever I want to say something but I bite my tongue because I worry so much that I will hurt their feelings. Everything is just exhausting me very much.
This is so beautiful, look at all those flowers and greenery.In the morning I would wake up and water the plants, and rest in the open space, just soaking up the morning light, staring at the pretty skies and clouds. If it's raining, I'll wear wellies and just walk in the rain and enjoy every single moment of being embraced by the sky's tears.
And then I'll go for work, maybe I'll set up my very own bakery shop and I'll sell hand baked muffins and cupcakes and cookies and cakes and sweets and chocolates and all sort of yummy stuffs and the shop will be painted a cozy shade of brown and it'll be filled with antique stuffs and it will smell of good pastries.
Then when I go back home, it will be around seven and if my luck is good, there will be a thousand of stars twinkling and I'll lay down on the open space again, or maybe set up a hammock and enjoy the starry sight. Then I'll go back to my house and eat some food and take a shower, and then start designing some things that I can use or send to my friends.
And maybe I'll be lonely so I'll get a pet, maybe a dog, and live by myself with just a dog for a companion and on my birthday, I'll celebrate it by staying in my own bed and sipping a cup of warm mocha and reading a good book.
I'm leaving a "husband" or "family" out of this because I don't know if anyone will ever marry me and my family, well. I want to live without them. I'm not unfilial, I just like to be by myself. :)
But then again, dreams are only dreams. If this ever became a reality, I'll be overjoyed.
And then, if you want to get anywhere in life, you need an education. Or else people will look down on you or think you're stupid. And all because of education, love, family, health all get neglected. I hate education! I hate that its so important. I hate that I have to force myself to learn things I do not like. I hate that I have to keep pushing myself. I hate that nobody understand what I say. I hate that I blame myself for everything. I hate that I love so much that I end up giving up my own pride and dignity. I hate this, I hate complications, I want simplicity, I want to be a child again, I want to stop heaving all these unwanted and unneeded burdens on myself.
I also wish that I will turn into a better person. I need to stop getting jealous so easily, I need to stop all these thoughts of "I hope they stop being friends", I need to stop getting so obsessive over little problems, I need to stop worrying that no one will ever love me or accept me or agree with me. I need to stop bottling up thoughts and emotions in myself, in my heart because its getting heavier day by day and one day it, and I, might all just explode to tiny smithereens.
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