Ocean sized love

Hi I am in a very bad mood right now so whatever just some pictures from school last week with Jennifer.





01: Normal
02: Act cute
03: Act lian

Ha ha ha.



Homemade with lots of love :)

Bye

(EDIT)

I just lost the most important person in my life.
It hurts.

(/EDIT)

Every inch of me is bruised

I have to go soon to visit my ahma, but before I go, I find pictures with the caption "Threesome" on them really funny, like, SUPER HILARIOUS.

Because threesome also means something else !! HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahem.
I am not dirtyminded ok :(

Pictures up later, I'm lazy to transfer them to my comp now!

Stupid Jennifer left for Jakarta. -_______-
For 1 whole weeeeeeek (ABANDON ABANDON ABANDON), and we still have a literature project to do! Idiot x104894782.
Speaking of which, I got back my report book. :/ Urgh, so sucky.

My baby cousin slept over yesterday night. I just made breakfast for her, failed attempts at making a proper omelet. But still nice w0rkayzxs, I'm such a nice cousin {:
She made me woke up at 3am to get her a drink, then 8am to make her breakfast.
I am never, ever going to get a child. Never!

Byeeeee x

So write the letters in teary ink

I am very happy!
I've been reading this comic for the past few days. :D

This is a big hint that I am going to neglect this blog! :D
Unless I manage to read finish the whole comic (i've started at the very first comic which was in 2002) by today!!! :D

WHICH IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE, BWAHAHAHA.

On another note, the way that this guy proposed to the girl is very cute!
He went to this arcade game booth, and then got top scores, then you have to write your name right? So it was like:

LIL
AH
WIL
YOU
MAR
RY
ME

Very creative, I like 8)

You're my only hope

Hello :D
I bet you're tired of my long wordy posts! :)




Jennifer is a suckaaaa



My first time walking a dog :)



Ok short update because I'm feeling lazy! :)
Actually I want to say more, but I'm afraid people will misinterpret it and more misunderstandings will happen, and I've enough of it already. I really am losing my tolerance lately, just can't stand jokes anymore. Nevermind.

Bye :D

In my memory,

I wrote you down in ink. I never wanted to erase our story even with the tragedy it brings.
You were a chapter in my life itself, you meant so much to me. You were everything to me, but I was nothing to you.

I won't lie, I wish we will last a lifetime. Please stay, won't you stay tonight?

I felt the touch of his hand on my shoulder for a moment, and then he walked away - away, out of my life, forever. Now that you're gone, please ... don't ever think that you're not good enough. Because to someone somewhere out there, you are. Regardless of what you are, their idea of perfection was you. Don't let them down, don't let me down.

There are two types of love, and one of them is the cruelest kind. It can kill its victims, it makes one feel worthless. Its called unrequited love. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other, but what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one-sided affair, we are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space. Yes, you are looking at one such individual. I've willing loved that man, and it was the worst years of my life. The worst Christmas', the worst birthdays', New Years Eve's brought in by tears. Those years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life, all because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and NEVER will love me back.

I hope that someday, someone would be able to love me back. He would be able to hold me for more than hours, and that's all he will do. He won't pull away, he won't look at my face, he won't try to kiss me. All he will do is just wrap me up in his arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it. He will truly love me. He will be worth every tear I shed for him (or maybe won't even make me shed one). He will be worth missing over. He will be worth my love, worth me. He will not forget me, neither will he forget my face. He will not talk to me with coldness or harshness, instead he will speak words of love, of comfort, of joy. He will accept every single flaws of mine, every single quirks of mine. Most of all, he will love me for me, nothing else nothing more.

But then, men like that, they only exist in fairytales and stories.
So I have learnt, to accept the men in my lives for who they are, regardless of how they treat me. That aiming too high for something will only leave you disappointed.
I don't care about how I am treated anymore, because I know that nobody can love you that selflessly, that nobody is ever treated fairly. Now I've accepted everyone wholeheartedly, and I am trying my very best to push away thoughts of hate, of annoyance. Let people abuse me, let people torture me, let people torment me, let people lie to me, let people forget me, let people hit me, let people take advantage of me, let people hate me. I try not to bother, I try not to think too much about it but I just end up thinking too much and it just kills me.

(SIDENOTE: just something i came up with! haha, but not what i'm feeling, really)

Come closer

Just because it hurts, don't mean that it's love. You are the punchline to every joke I've ever told. You are in coffee and everything I've ever loved. You can kiss a million other girls, I don't mind. You can't break what's not real.

But me, I'm a single cell on the serpent's tongue. There's a muddy field where a garden was. And I'm glad you got away but I'm still stuck out here. My clothes are soaking wet from your brother's tears. And I never thought this life was possible. You're the yellow bird I've been waiting for. The end of paralysis, I was a statuette. Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench. And when I press the keys, it all gets reversed. The sound of loneliness makes me happier.

The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight, and this is the moment that I live for. I can smell the ocean air, and here I am, pouring my heart onto these rooftops. Just a ghost to the world, that's exactly, exactly what I need. From up here the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire. And I'm here to sing the anthem of our dying day. For a second, I wish the tide would swallow every inch of this city as you grasp for air tonight.

This heart wrenching feeling is all I feel. Scream at the sky all you want, but they're too happy to hear you. They can't register sorrow. They don't stoop that low.

Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart to you. As years go by, I race the clock with you. But if you died right now you know that I'd die too. You remind me of the times when I knew who I was, but still the second hand will catch us like it always does. We'll make the same mistakes. I'll take for the fall for you.

I love when the sky is gray, when the dawn paints the roofs of the buildings and the sun is still hiding. The city is ours then. Right before everyone takes over, right when everyone is still sleeping. It's hard to notice that it's so cold when it's this pretty.

Getting nowhere

I is very sleepy.
Went to Houg after sch with Jennifer, saw her dog Noppi! :)
2 important things that happened today:

1. NOPPI STOLE MY FIRST KISS

I'm serious manzxs. He just licked me on the lips and I was like WHAT THE ____ OMG HE JUST KISSED ME ON THE LIPS AAAAAAAAAAAAH
Saddening! First kiss stolen away ... BY A DOG :(

2. JENNIFER SAID THAT DOGS ARE HOT

Yeah. Dogs. Hot.
Need I even elaborate?

Shall just upload a few pictures! :) Will upload the rest tomorrow. :D
Just downloaded a new programme for editing photos, still fiddling around with it :)




Stupid girl don't want to take pictures with me! :(
No one to take pictures with anymoreeeeeee, ALL SO CAMERA-SHY. :(



Brown eyes! ^^

Btw, when I came online today, some guy told me I look like a secondary 4! :D
Hehe, I must look so mature :)

Got back my results today too!!!! :D
Cannot laugh! I know I'm dumb.

English - 77/100
Chinese - 49/100
Maths - 51/100
Science - 72/100
Hist - 92/100
Lit - 96/100
D&T - 44/100
Art - 66/100

Total - 547/800 (68.3%)

:D I love my history & lit results!

Bye :)

:)

I am very confused.
Up till now, I've always keep my problems with other people to myself.
I've never liked to go up to them and tell them what I am unhappy with, because I find it unreasonable. I accept people for who they are.
Once in a while, I get angry with them. I do not tell it to them, instead I tell others. I need to vent the anger somewhere, I cannot keep it inside of me, for I am not perfect.

You claim that I should accept you for who you are, that improvements are not needed.
That's fine with me, for I've already accept you wholeheartedly as who you are.
I do not plan to make you change, nor do I want you to change.

But every once in a while, I get really annoyed. Is it wrong for me to whine to others? I can't tolerate everything. I try my very best to tolerate. I do not expect you to change. I do not expect you to improve.

I don't want to point out what I'm unhappy with to you because I'm afraid of it hurting you. I'm afraid that maybe at that time, what I wanted to say, it was because I was angry and I was not thinking properly. Besides, you already said I should accept you for who you are, so I just shut up about everything.

Is it also my fault if my parents wanted to migrate to Australia, but decided to CHANGE the very last minute? No. It was entirely my parents' decisions.
And as for whatever my brother said, I don't know anything about that. Sometimes he just uses my account and talk to people behind my back, I don't even know anything.

For me, I am a very tolerable person. I try not to get angry most of the time, and I don't show my emotions. Ok fine, sometimes I do. I become a big prick and I regret it very much. Anyway, I am not capable of hurting people, especially ones I love. I can't muster the strength to do so. I don't care if I'm unhappy, because as long as the one I love, I'm happy. I don't want people making me happy. I don't want people doing things to please me. I don't want to make people feel like they're bad / sucky / horrible / terrible or whatsoever. Thats how I work. I don't need happiness. I live for the sake of pleasing, for the sake of making others happy.

-

Nothing ever turns out like shit to me.
I appreciate everything.
I don't have expectations.
I was kidding when I said all those.
I don't care about how people treat me, most of the time.
You're already good enough.
You're not a freak.
I've already given you enough space.
And time.
I don't want/need you to change.
I don't want/need you to understand me.
You're not dumb.
I'm never going to speak up.
I'll always bottle up my thoughts.
I can't speak the truth to you.
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't care about myself, or me being happy.
I am not never happy.
I'll never throw everything out.
I've always remembered. Still do.

history

I was such a cute child :)

warwick avenue

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please draw the past and be true
Don’t say we’re okay
Just because I’m here
You hurt me bad but I wont shed a tear

I’m leaving you for the last time baby
You think you're loving,
But you don’t love me
And I’ve been confused
Outta my mind lately
You think you’re loving,
But I want to be free, baby
You’ve hurt me.

When I get to Warwick Avenue
We’ll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you answers, now here’s the door

When I get to Warwick Avenue
I’ll tell baby there we’re through

Cause I’m leaving you for the last time baby
You think you’re loving,
But you don’t love me
And I’ve been confused
Am outta my mind lately
You think you’re loving,
But you don’t love me
I want to be free, baby
You’ve hurt me.

All the days spent together
I wish for better,
And I didn’t want the train to come
Now it’s departed, I’m broken hearted
Seems like we never started
All those days spent together
When I wished for better
And I didn’t want the train to come.
No, no.

Lies

Sickening.
People who only talk to me when I'm fun to talk to.
But when I'm sad, or when I'm not feeling well, just ignore me completely.

Thanks a lot, my 'friends'.
I treasure you all so much. I deserve to be hurt, anyway.
I'm so undeserving of love, anyway.

My love will get you home

Yesterday I went out with Jennifer :)



Got my contacts! Went for brown colour. :D
Then went home soon after. :)
Was supposed to meet Huishan, but guess what. I didn't wake up in time. I took a nap and set my handphone alarm to 5.30pm but when I woke up it was .... 6am! -___-

Sorry Huishan Sorry Huishan Sorry Huishan :(
Don't hate me !!! :(
Sorrrrrrrrrrrrrry
If your team members blame you, tell them to blame me instead ok!!! T-T

I can't believe I couldn't hear the alarm! Jesus.

-

Today was very exhausting, very tired in the morning.
Had PE, then 3 periods of Maths -__________-
Urgh!!! Don't even understand anything. My maths sucks to the core, and no one wants to help me :( Boohoo.

After school, went opposite to eat with Alicia (BTW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D) and her friends. I cannot eat in peace please. They kept on saying disgusting stuffs!!! -.-







Doing what girls do best. :p
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Had Guides and changing parade again.
Only changed 3 times (i think) today, yay :)

After Guides, went to the BBT shop to eat with Alicia, Nat & Swing :D
SUPER EXHAUSTED !!!!
I'm going to sleep early tonight. :D Anyway, my F21 clothes has arrived, someone please accompany me to Somersault this Sunday? :( :( :(
I don't wna go there alone ...

i cut bangs

As you can see from the title, I cut my fringe todaaaaaaay

Jennifer + Carolyn dragged me to the hairsalon when I mentioned I want to cut my hair !!
I was like NO NO NO and they were like YES YES YES and it was 2 against 1 so ... :(

They said I look cute like those primary sch kiddos, but ...
I look very ugly now :(

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Btw, I think Girlicious - Like Me is a very nice song, even though its quite bimbotic. :B

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Repeat after me:

UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY (x infinity times)

I am not going to school tomorrow! Definitely not! NOT WITH MY FRINGE LIKE THIS !!!! :(

Eh, speaking of school, guess how much I got for my english test today !!! :)

27/30.

Hehehehe. I is very pleased with myself cuz I finally triumphed over Nicholas.
Sad to say, I only got a 76/100 for my overall. Boo. :(

Anyway, my second earhole is now infected! Very swollen and painful, keeps on leaking out water. :( Can't be bothered to repierce it after it heals! Haha
I am going out now to buy contacts then meet Huishan later to pass her her bf shirt.

Byebye :)
(ps: still very devasted about the fringe though)

Over me

She's your New York City
I'm your Abilene
Shes your polite silence
I'm the song you sing

She's your growing up
I'm your staying young
She's your play it safe
I'm your need to run

She's the air you try to breathe
The happy ending you try to see
She's the reasons you make up
To try to get over me

She's your pretty portrait
I'm your wrinkled photograph
She's your straight face
I'm your need to laugh and cry to dance and to lie

She's the air you try to breathe
The happy ending you try to see
She's the reasons you make up
To try to get over me

She keeps your things
She keeps your yard and your home
I keep your heart on my bedstand
While I sleep alone

She's the air you try to breathe
The happy ending you try to see
She's the reasons you make up
Make believe kind of love
She's the reasons you make up
To try to get over me
Over me ...

I hate it when I read posts like, "I've always smiled a fake smile" or things like that. Its really sad, esp when you're their friend. Its like, woah am I that bad a friend that I can't make you happy, or even smile? Right? :/ I always get that vibe.
I mean ... even if I'm sad, I don't think (i'm not rly sure, cuz when i'm upset, i usually say things i don't mean anyway) I go all, "I've never smiled truly before ~"
Or something like that.

Also hate posts about losing a particular friend.
Its really too late, you already lost that friend, no use pining for her/him right? Just move on with life, afterall, isn't life full of obstacles that we are supposed to overcome? Why get stuck at this point in your life just because you lost a friend?

I also am starting to hate using the word 'love'. I don't know, I just find it that if you use it too much and often, it doesn't mean anything anymore. Its like out of habit, you just say 'I love you'. Not because you want to, but because it became a habit, and you might not even mean it anymore.

I just don't understand why do people keep on using the word love. Throw the word here and there, it just becomes meaningless.

Or maybe its just me :)

Fidelity

I am so angry urgh I hate it when people laugh at your own opinions or when you say out your opinions and it disagree with theirs, they shout at you, "DON'T BE STUPID LA!"

I mean like seriously, everyone has their own opinion! -.- Just because I disagree with you, does it means I'm stupid? If it goes that why, I guess everyone is stupid, yah? Illogical pls.

I was debating with my brother over whether the bombing at Japan during WW2 was justified or not, I disagreed. I mean like, yes it ended the war but it started a new war (NOT LITERALLY) that held the entire planet in the grip of a threat of nuclear war. I also find the bombing at Pearl Habour unjustified, ok? Both countries are wrong for bombing each another.

I find wars totally unnecessary anyway. Total waste of resources + lives.
The Japanese was very brutal, yes. But the innocent people that were not involved in the war, they do not deserve to be killed. It was a mass murder and mass murder can never be justified, regardless of why it was done.

Digressing, to say that a person is stupid when he/she disagree with you is completely retarded. You are the stupid one instead.

-

Had maths remedial today, 1.30pm till 2.30pm. :)
I desperately need help for maths. -.- I wish I was clever :(
Went to the bank with Jennifer after school, and then she had to leave to meet Jannah so I went home. I'm seriously considering of taking Hist instead of Geog :B

Things to do by this week:
1. Cut hair cut hair cut hair x999
2. Go print out pictures
3. Buy contacts

Anyhow, look at how Carolyn says hi to me on MSN:

The mega-watt smile of yours says (4:57 PM):
hi bitch

Ok bye :)

Nobody's home

Went out with Jennifer after school to Fareast today :)

It took us an extremely long time to find it -.-
Tried to find suppliers, but got rejected like 105827342837812 times!! Haha

Anyway, saw many pretty x2 clothes, I'm going back there soon with tons of $$$
Am going to shop myself silly :B

I want to cut my hair short. Should I or should I not manzxszxs :(

Pictures pictures :)

Ok, we stopped at Taka first to have late lunch.





Since Jennifer had no money (spent all on blogshopping, tsk !!), I had to pay for our food (NOT SURPRISINGLY)
I had this thing called 'Street Sausage'



Its fries stuck together and then inside, there were this sausage inside :D
Jennifer had chicken



Pretty fountain :)

Then we made our way to find FEP and along the way, there were this long stretch of posters, and someone vandalized them :x



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Ahem. I found it super funny :B
That model look like a transexual though :x

Anyway !!!
We went to FEP and then I bought this bracelet for $5



Walked x10478137
And then we had drinks at 7-11 (my treat again, sigh)



I wonder when will Jennifer pay for something for me :p
Haha.

Ok bye :)

-

You broke the promise
And made me realize it was all just a lie ...

Kampong visit

Saturday 160808

I woke up damn early, at 9am.
Supposed to meet Jennifer at the bus stop downstairs my house, but she did not turn up + did not reply my messages, so went to Carolyn's house by myself first.

Waited for Jennifer. She overslept (not surprisingly) so she came, then we left for this kampong village at Buangkok. :D Bused there.



I found this building really pretty :/




Stupid late girl




Did I mention how hot it was?



I don't know if it looks better desaturated or saturated, sooo ... :D



Then when we reached there, Jennifer asked this friendly old man for directions and he pointed us to a path
And there was this 'bridge', it was a bunch of tree branches stuck together



SEE IT?! Carolyn has one feet on it, haha
I was so scared of falling into the dirty water below



Super creeepy



I know what you're thinking. 'Typical shoe shot -.-'
HAHAHA. But I like my shoes !! It was ruined though. By the time I reached home, there were marks all over. T-T Imported from Korea, I'm super heartbroken :(





Cute house :B



Crazy amount of birds -___-





She was so scared of crossing, HAHA





Then it started to drizzle, so we headed back, but it was too late.
It turned to a heavy storm, and we had to seek shelter at the same friendly old man's house :D
I got bored, so ... :B








:p







Then we left, since we didn't want to be a nuisance. Haha x)
Said thanks, then left for the Shell kiosk, went to the 7-11 convenience store and bought drinks :)



Then we left after the rain subsided. Decided to go back since it was not raining anymore :D



Fungiiii





Hi :)



SO CUTE, HAHAHA. HEART-SHAPED LEAF :B



Meow.





I like this one :)





JUST LOVE THIS SHOE SO MUCH, TOO BAD ITS DIRTY NOW :(



-___________- I know my eyes are closed in this picture, but just upload this because I like the shape of my face, HAHAHAHAHA. :p
Stupid hot sun, made me squint :(



LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF RUST



The 2 stupid besties leaving me behind T-T



The point of this picture: I AM A STARRRRRRRRRRRR :D

Then the 2 wanted to go back alr (so early -___-)
So left.



HEART-SHAPED TREEEEEEEE ... you don't see the heart?
I see one! :)




I see a retard, do you? :)

Bused home, slept on Carolyn's shoulder, bugger woke me up so she could go home, never accompany me home, so evil :s HAHAHAHAHA

I want to go there again because I think my photos sucked in this one :(

Muchluv x

(ps: it've been 7 months between albert & me, yaaaaaaaaay)