My 2009

Today is the last day of 2009, and while everyone's celebrating the start of the new year and being excited about 2010, hoping and praying that it will be a better year, I am resigned to the fact that next year will just be like this year, except that I will be older and more aware of my failures and lack of accomplishments.

But this year has been a good year to me, and I am grateful that I am much closer to all my friends, and have gotten to know some of my acquaintances better. I am grateful for my gains, as well as for my losses. This year, I've been dumped twice, but I've learned a lot out of these two relationships and I know I will be a better girlfriend the next time round. ;) I've not lost any of my friends, and you have no idea how grateful I am for that! :D:D

And I think I've finally reached the stage where I am comfortable with myself. :D True, I'm not completely okay with my body yet, I'm still grappling with body issues and I still starve myself when something bad happens to me, but I'm getting better and I think that's all that matters! Getting better, every year. And I've found so many lovely friends, it's so fucking unbelievable. I'm serious! In primary school, almost everyone hated me and found me annoying and I only had Joyce and Amanda and Gladys and Subashri as friends (lost contact with all of them except Joyce) and now I'm surrounded by all these wonderful people and I'm so happy, I've never thought so many people would actually like me! :B HAHAHA.

True, there are still a majority of people that dislikes me for many reasons, such as I'm too bossy or unreasonable or petty or boastful or resentful or prideful and the list goes on and on, but all of them only know how to make judgment and not try to get to know me better, to see if I am really like what they think I am, so really, I can not be bothered about you people who constantly criticize me because none of you were ever my friend so how can you ever know what I am really like? :)

So, for now, DEDICATIONS TO THE PEOPLE WHO'VE MADE MY 2009 VERY SPECIAL:








I'm really happy that Carolyn, Jennifer, Jingting, Jolene, Juexin, Najeera, Nora and me still spend our recess together every day ever since secondary 1. I'm just really glad for this because I see everyone separating (no offense intended) while we still stick together, and try to spend birthdays together (Seoul Garden ftw!). Although some of us made new friends and started spending recess apart, I really hope that next year, we'll still be spending most of our recess together because for me, having recess with someone else doesn't feel right. At all. I love you guys! :)



And Jennifer, who has always been my best friend (although she disagrees and says that Jannah/Carolyn/Najeera are more important)! Her laughter is the most contagious laughter I've ever heard in my whole entire 15 years of life and being around her, I've always been happy and laughing until I had stitches in the sides of my stomach, and till it's hard to breathe. Although we've plenty of disagreements and deferring opinions, I still love her because she's hilarious as hell and a truckload of fun to be with. :) Also, she's the one who I have the most candid pictures of. HAHAHAHAHA.




And I'm also really happy that Huishan, Joanne and I are still meeting up every few months to just talk and hang out. Although it is kind of funny that we were in the same primary school, but only got to properly know each other when we were all in different secondary schools. Although the atmosphere can sometimes feel awkward, I am blessed to have them and I love them very much (awwwwww).





Not to mention the good times I had with Huishan, who never fails to hand out lame jokes and puns! Thank you for always making me laugh and smile, although the psychotic person will always be you. HAHAHAHAHA. (Although it is quite true what Grace said about you, that we can only see your head 3/4 of the time HAHA.) It'll never be boring if there's you around, even if we're studying. 8)

And Juexin who I only got closer to recently (that's why the extreme lack of photos hint hint)! Thanks for always being so caring + concerned for me and constantly looking out for me; you're the sweetest person I've ever known! :O Like how you've said that you'll always be there for me, likewise, I'll always be here for you, when you're sad or angry or happy or whatsoever. :)

And Alicia! Although we had a big argument in the past, I'm glad that we were given the opportunity to be classmates and work on our friendship and I'm also glad that we're friends again, and although there is an obvious language gap between us (HAHA), we're able to understand each other quite well! Continue being the happy girl that you are, and don't ever go as berserk as you did a few months earlier. Wish you the best in finding another man to love. :P

That's all, but I'm also grateful for people like Albert (although he doesn't bothers to keep in contact at all), Axel (gives me encouragement whenever I'm sad), Dean (he's a nice guy), Emily (very sweet senior), Elaine (another very sweet senior), Guoxiong (very sarcastic guy who loves me hehe), Irene (because she's nice + gave me a birthday card HAHA), Junhao (he hates me now but whatever, I'm still thankful), Weiting (she's very nice + sweet and sent me encouraging messages whenever I'm hella depressed), Zhizheng (made me strive harder for English LOL)... yeah I think that's really ALL.

:) So, goodbye 2009, and I welcome 2010 with open arms.

At Juexin's grandmother's house now! :D Haha. Her sister invited me. Awwwwwww. :B

Woke up early today, feeling happy, and showered and left to City Hall to collect the top I ordered online then to Simei to collect another top I ordered online. Total damage: $35. HAHA.

So, something really hilarious happened to me. -_- While I was at Tampines MRT Station, walking to the machine to tap my ezlink card, somebody tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to see a girl that I don't know, and she immediately said, "OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND!!!"

I was like O_O do I really look like a boy from behind?!

She apologized for mistaking me as a guy and then went off, while I was left feeling very amused.

So, anyway, after collecting my clothes, arranged to meet Juexin and Jolene at CS! :D I went back home first, to change to shorts, because it was so hot, and then I met them at CS's arcade and then I went to order a takeaway for prata for lunch (since we were heading to Juexin's house) and while waiting for it to be done, Najeera and Nora popped up from nowhere and ambushed us and we ended up talking till about 2.40pm before they left to watch Sherlock Holmes. :D

Walked all the way to Juexin's house, went to 201 first because Jolene wanted to buy a birthday cake for Osborn, then went to Jolene's house to have our very late takeaway lunch and then Deb came, and then Deb and Jo went somewhere, while I headed down to Juexin's house.

And then I sat down with their family and watched this Taiwan show or something, and then left for her grandmother's house after that. :B And I was invited because... I am awesome. HAHA.

And all her cousins are very friendly so I am getting along very well with them HAHA (although sometimes I don't understand their conversations because they're all talking in Chinese and my Chinese = ultimate fail) and I feel very at home HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok byeeeeeeeee!!! ;)

I am so goddamn happy

I really am. I've been miserable for the past few weeks, unable to sleep, because I couldn't stop thinking and analyzing and I didn't feel tired at all. And I was unable to wake up, because after being chased to bed by my parents, I slept and I had all these terrible dreams and when I woke up, I felt so goddamn exhausted that I couldn't get up. I starved myself for a few days, before my mother noticed and started to watch me like a hawk, making sure I ate. I lost a lot of weight, and I felt weak all the time. Whenever I go out with my friends, I came back home so fucking exhausted but not sleepy, because my mind was still awake with thoughts of him. And this vicious cycle continued.

But today, today... I woke up feeling like a brand new person. I don't know why. I feel so light (not just the hair), like I'm walking on air. I feel free, safe, happy. And I actually feel hungry. I don't feel ugly or unwanted anymore. And I revel in the knowledge that I have people who still love me, who will love me more than he ever could. And I feel blessed, I feel secure, I feel loved, I feel appreciated. This feeling of joy is wonderful. I've not felt this way for a long, long time.

:)

I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:38 PM):
*HAHA. but my bday have to wait for EONS.
sound of flickering lights says (11:39 PM):
*whats that? >>>>>
I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:39 PM):
*?
sound of flickering lights says (11:40 PM):
*EONS
I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:40 PM):
*OH
*means A LONG TIME
*HAHAHA
sound of flickering lights says (11:41 PM):
*oh.
*chey,
*ya hor!
I AM MADE OF AWESOME. :) says (11:41 PM):
*:P
sound of flickering lights says (11:41 PM):
*i thought is ....end of N S?
*LOL
*end of national service.
*LOL!~

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA EONS = END OF NATIONAL SERVICE
BEST BEST BEST

:D

SO, AS YOU CAN SEE, I'VE COME BACK WITH SHORT HAIR.

I've been wanting to cut it short for a long time, but everyone kept telling me to keep it long, because I look prettier/better.

And I'm like, fuck, it's going to be 2010 soon, and I'm single, and it's a new year so might as well have a new start by chopping off my hair!

Therefore, today, I decided to just go ahead and do what I wanted to do. :D

So anyway, some pictures! I spent Christmas with my lovely friends and we had a good time talking and I left feeling very happy. :) Carolyn & I cooked spaghetti for them as well.

Jolene snapping away~

2 shy pigs! :P


MY HAT IS THE CUTEST :D


Jolene! :)

Our log cake (which we forgot to eat!! We only remembered after we were leaving and we were like OH FUCK so we quickly took it out, took some pictures, grabbed a few spoonfuls, and left. HAHAHA).

Jingting's parents drove us back!! :)

And then on Monday, watched Singapore Idol with my parents. :B



My dad looks like a stoner lol.

I can't believe Seizari won!!! :( Sylvia's voice is much better! Oh well. Here's hoping she'll be more successful than Seizari :x

And then yesterday, I was bored, so I went out shopping on my own. :D

I was going to cut my hair the next day, and cannot act cute with short hair, so took some act cute photos while I could!! HAHAHAHA.

LOVE THIS DRESS FROM COTTON ON (yeah I bought it haha).

Came back home around 6pm after gallivanting around town by myself and my mom was cooking and check this out:

She said she just dyed her hair and cannot wash, so she needed something to protect her hair from the oil fumes. -_- Cannot stand her!! She's wearing a shower cap btw! HAHA.

And today!! Went to have lunch with my mom and then we went to Lauren's to cut my hair!

:D

And Huishan dropped by at 8 to pass me my Christmas present - JASON MRAZ'S CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY AND A LETTER TOO! :D:D:D:D I love Huishan yaaaaaaay :)))))

And then Albert dropped by after that to pass me back my hard disk and I have to pass him back his digital camera's memory card and we talked for a while and then he left!

AND NOW I AM HOME AND BLOGGING BECAUSE HUISHAN, JOANNE AND JUEXIN ARE BUGGING ME TO. :D

Yay done bye!!!