I am so goddamn happy

I really am. I've been miserable for the past few weeks, unable to sleep, because I couldn't stop thinking and analyzing and I didn't feel tired at all. And I was unable to wake up, because after being chased to bed by my parents, I slept and I had all these terrible dreams and when I woke up, I felt so goddamn exhausted that I couldn't get up. I starved myself for a few days, before my mother noticed and started to watch me like a hawk, making sure I ate. I lost a lot of weight, and I felt weak all the time. Whenever I go out with my friends, I came back home so fucking exhausted but not sleepy, because my mind was still awake with thoughts of him. And this vicious cycle continued.

But today, today... I woke up feeling like a brand new person. I don't know why. I feel so light (not just the hair), like I'm walking on air. I feel free, safe, happy. And I actually feel hungry. I don't feel ugly or unwanted anymore. And I revel in the knowledge that I have people who still love me, who will love me more than he ever could. And I feel blessed, I feel secure, I feel loved, I feel appreciated. This feeling of joy is wonderful. I've not felt this way for a long, long time.

:)