Apologies

For not updating much. I've been busy with school and tuition! I am striving to get into at least Top 20 this year... :D So I'm studying hard! For all subjects that I'm taking, except for Chinese (cus I can't be bothered hahahah :x)

Nothing much to say anyway, all I've been at = school, the mall, home. Like seriously no life, but it's okay :D Most of the time Jennifer and Carolyn come to my house and we slack for a bit. I'm going to sacrifice my leisure time for study time! Cus this year is one of the most crucial year, right... ? :B

Besides, I'm leaving for Australia in like, what.... wait, lemme count.... IN 23 MORE DAYS! Less than a month away!!! :D

Oh shit do you guys know what, I have my CA1 English exam on the 4th week of school. -___- Like, yay! Joy and felicitations! Okay I'm good at English, but... what if I have some kind of brain block or - OH MAI GAWD WHY AM I CURSING MYSELF.

Btw I just took my height and weight this Wednesday... I'm 157cm (I shrinked 1cm?!) and my weight is..... 42.4kg. I was really apprenhensive before stepping on the scales because, to be honest with you guys, I was suffering from anorexia nervosa. When I was in primary school. I had to go for psychotherapy and shit like that to treat my disorder. I've been doing okay so far, I've found love with found and peace with my body, but I can easily relapse anytime, if you get what I mean.

Okay yeah I know you guys don't believe me and my anorexia nervosa disorder, because I like to mess around with people and tell them stupid lies about myself. But this is totally true, I mean back in secondary 1, I was still anorexic and going on 24 or 48 hours fast. No food, no nothing, just plain water. You can ask Jennifer if you want, I think she remembers me posting about it on my LJ.

Back to the point, so it's like my weight fluctuate between 25kg to 35kg back when I was in primary school. My height was like, 148cm? So whenever I hit the big 3, I fast till I get back to the small 2. Get it? Then I got therapy blahblah and during the middle of 2007, I got better and started piling on the weight... so I'm 42kg now, and I do get tempted to fast myself and lose 4kg (to 38kg).

So now, it's really hard for me, cus Singaporean girls are usually skinny chicks. Much, much skinnier than me, and they're not anorexic, just naturally skinny. And it tempts me so, so, so much. It sounds wrong, but you get what I mean. I just want to stop eating altogether and just lose, lose, lose until I hit the weight that I want.

I know it's wrong and unhealthy, but when your confidence isn't that high, it makes you weaker than average and makes you do the unthinkable, makes you go to extreme measures to become the particular image that you want to be.

ARGH. Okay. Whatever.

So I was really scared that I might get a relapse (cus I knew I was going to be heavier since I've ate so much more than usual during the holidays and I snack a LOT) but turns out that I'm still below 45kg... which is good ;)

Oh, and not to mention, I was elected chairwoman of 306! :D

KBYE :)