Happy 15th, Huishan!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUISHAN!
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY 15, HALFWAY TO 30!!!! :D

Will blog about today tomorrow, lots of pictures!! \m/ \m/

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Anyway, I am drifting further and further away from my family. :/ It's like, everytime I come home, my parents will not say, "Welcome home," as they used to... instead, they'll start nagging at me and the things that I have not done, such as ironing the clothes. They'll interrogate me, "Are you controlling your SMSes?" "Did you go out with a boy or a girl?" "Are you spending your money wisely?" and shit like that.

I'm just so tired of it..... tired of them calling me a 'rebellious girl' who is going through a 'phrase'. Tired of them not acknowledging my academic achievements. Tired of them downplaying my achievements and magnifying my mistakes. Tired of being compared to my brother. Tired of being seen as the stupid, rude, irresponsible, unreliable, foul-mouthed, uncouth, fickle, spendthrift, frivolous, materialistic, anti-social, unfilial and uncooperative daughter.

They call me cold, unfeeling, emotionless and uncaring and how they worry that I will forget that I am human. They say that my heart is just a fragmented shell and I have forgotten what is it like to sincerely love and care for someone. They look at me straight in the eyes, and I look right back in their eyes, and it is all written in their eyes: you are a disappointment, you are not our ideal daughter, why can't you be good enough, you are the family's disgrace, you are not smart enough, you are not working hard enough, you are not contributing to the family enough, YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH.

It's all there, whatever they want to say but cannot say for it is too heartless. Too mean to throw at a 14 year old girl.... but I can see it all in their eyes.

Is it my fault, really, that I want to isolate myself from them? I only know that I will disappoint them further. Even my first in class was rewarded with much reluctance. I just asked for dinner at Pizza Hut... my dad had to ask my mother for permission first, because she hates pizza. Then while we were there, my mom kept grumbling, "I can't eat anything, I hate everything here." My brother had to add in, "Yeah lor never think for mummy."

Wtf... ? That's all I get for working hard to get first in class? That's all I fucking get? :/ A treat at Pizzahut (and the food there isn't even that expensive) thrown in with lots of grumbling and complains? I thought when I get rewarded, I should get what I like, and not what other people like damnit.

Where's the justice in that? I really don't see it, can someone point it out to me? :/ And I'm supposed to be happy and sweet and obedient and docile and gentle and all. Um wtf why should I, really?