Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow WOW.
Thats all I have to say.
At least now I know where the fuck do I stand in your heart.
At least now I know why you never seem to care for me.
Because, me being sad, and comforting me, IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME TO YOU.
Whereas your other friends are totally worth comforting and consoling of.
When I am supposed to be your fucking BESTFRIEND.
I, a BESTFRIEND, is NOTHING compared to your GOODFRIENDS or NORMAL FRIENDS.
You have no idea how much that hurts.
You have no idea how much YOU'VE FUCKING HURT ME.
You claim that I've never told you about how I feel. Let me tell you now:
I FEEL HORRIBLE.
I AM NOT OKAY.
Big enough for you to see?
Now do you understand? Do you want to feel my pain too? Do you know that pain surges through my body everyday, every minute, every second? There's never a stop to the pain. There are bruises all over me, scars all over me, but they're invisible to you. You, along with everyone else, are oblivious to my pain.
"No one has ever been nice to me before. Now I feel so weirded out when people are nice to me, its such an unusual sensation to be treated nicely. Don't be nice to me, alright? I don't deserve these niceness. I complain too much, and I whine too much. Just let me be nice to you people, and never be nice to me. Thank me for my help, but that will be all. Don't be nice to me, please don't.
Please let me stay in my shell, please don't ever comfort me. Please don't ever come near me even when I'm crying, don't even try to touch me. Don't touch me, because then you'll feel my pain and burn along with me."
Well, guess what?
I lied. I'm just trying to convince myself that even if I'm not treated nicely, its okay. If I'm not loved, its okay. If I'm not hugged, its okay. If I'm not touched, its okay.
So what are you going to do about it?
Absolutely nothing.
I am so assured of that. I am so assured that one day, I'll be all alone. I'll just die and be buried deep in the Earth and I'll decompose to nothing and everyone will forget who I ever was. I'm nothing, I'm not even a 'memory'.
'Obliterate what makes us weak' ... what makes me weak is humanity. But how can humanity ever be obliterated?
Thats all I have to say.
At least now I know where the fuck do I stand in your heart.
At least now I know why you never seem to care for me.
Because, me being sad, and comforting me, IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME TO YOU.
Whereas your other friends are totally worth comforting and consoling of.
When I am supposed to be your fucking BESTFRIEND.
I, a BESTFRIEND, is NOTHING compared to your GOODFRIENDS or NORMAL FRIENDS.
You have no idea how much that hurts.
You have no idea how much YOU'VE FUCKING HURT ME.
You claim that I've never told you about how I feel. Let me tell you now:
I FEEL HORRIBLE.
I AM NOT OKAY.
Big enough for you to see?
Now do you understand? Do you want to feel my pain too? Do you know that pain surges through my body everyday, every minute, every second? There's never a stop to the pain. There are bruises all over me, scars all over me, but they're invisible to you. You, along with everyone else, are oblivious to my pain.
"No one has ever been nice to me before. Now I feel so weirded out when people are nice to me, its such an unusual sensation to be treated nicely. Don't be nice to me, alright? I don't deserve these niceness. I complain too much, and I whine too much. Just let me be nice to you people, and never be nice to me. Thank me for my help, but that will be all. Don't be nice to me, please don't.
Please let me stay in my shell, please don't ever comfort me. Please don't ever come near me even when I'm crying, don't even try to touch me. Don't touch me, because then you'll feel my pain and burn along with me."
Well, guess what?
I lied. I'm just trying to convince myself that even if I'm not treated nicely, its okay. If I'm not loved, its okay. If I'm not hugged, its okay. If I'm not touched, its okay.
So what are you going to do about it?
Absolutely nothing.
I am so assured of that. I am so assured that one day, I'll be all alone. I'll just die and be buried deep in the Earth and I'll decompose to nothing and everyone will forget who I ever was. I'm nothing, I'm not even a 'memory'.
'Obliterate what makes us weak' ... what makes me weak is humanity. But how can humanity ever be obliterated?
3 comments:
hey, i've been following your blog since 2006.
and you just keep getting sadder.
i'm 22, and i understand all these sadness, because i've experienced all of these. i've been abandoned by friends, been lied to, been betrayed.
i had this particular friend, we were supposed to be best friends. but she was never there for me. when i was sad, she wasn't there. when i was angry, she wasn't there. when i was confused, she wasn't there. point is: she NEVER was there.
but for her other friends, she was ALWAYS there. whenever i visit her friend's blogs, and they express that they are sad, she will always tag 'cheer up ok?' or something along that line.
but me? she just ignores me. she waits until i'm happy, and then starts talking to me.
i finally decided to break off the friendship, and i'm really happier. because i found better friends who were - no, who STILL are there for me 24/7.
so, i suggest you just break off this friendship. :) stop being so patient aye. and don't be so sad anymore! life's good. just that stuffs like this happen. but things will be alright in the end anyway.
hahah, takecare!
last long with your boyfriend. i hope it will be better than your previous relationships. (:
... Okay with weiling's numerous changes of blog urls you still manage to follow her HAHHA :D
anonymous -
Omg, that is so sweet of you! Sweet to the extreme max :D
Thanks so much yah :D
I'll cheer up soon enough, & ... I'll probably break off the friendship when I feel like I'm ready to. :)
Appreciate this long comment! & haha, yeah, it is better :D
Thanks for the concernnn ~
Jennifer -
WHERE GOT NUMEROUS?! So little lor :x
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