Wow,

It just struck me that it is November already. And pretty soon, it's going to be 2010.

... it feels so fucking surreal. Time flies so fast! I'm quite happy with 2009. I mean, sure, there are plenty of conflicts/arguments/sadness + the whole anorexia-being-a-deathly-threat-to-my-life and depression and my fluctuating dosages of anti-depressants; but there are also lots of love and bonding between friendships/laughter/inside jokes + the whole I-found-Junhao.

I guess that quote is true, y'know, that when you lose one, you gain one as well. :) In the beginning of the year, I was dumped and I was sad, then I met one of the most amazing guy and his name is Junhao and he makes me so, so happy. :) Oh but he's so annoying - I asked him to write a letter for me because I've written thousands for him, and he conceded to my request. What do I get? A picture he drew of us. Why? A picture speaks a thousand words. HAHA. Smartass. :p

-

I wish that my head was my own notebook. I wish every single one of my thoughts were written down. Okay, it doesn't have to be a notebook. It can be an air-sick bag for all I care. I am this person inside my head I could only dream to be. She's so open, so alive, she's so thoughtful and she is brilliant. She dreams of things I can't imagine seeing. She sees colors, not words or people. She sees rainbows of colors. She is life. She breathes flowers and exhales masterpieces of art. She excels in education, music, and art. She is the person I can only be in my head. I'll keep her there. She's safe there. She hasn't been hurt, she hasn't seen pain. In my eyes, there's still hope for her. I bet her heart is full of love and compassion. The kind of compassion that's been torn from my eyes, my heart, and my finger tips. Her lips are untouched and so soft. I could only imagine what she is capable of. I'd probably hate her if she was real. I'd probably find some reason to hate her. And I'd probably tear her, from limb to limb. I'd make her cry, just to watch her mascara run. But I bet even then, make up smeared, eyes red and puffy, I bet even then she's still beautiful.

Because she's untainted; untouched; pure. Innocence at its very purest. She'll always be beautiful.