Giving up

** Edited at 200609 9:33pm **

Will be gone for a few days, so contact me via phone, because I won't be online for about 5 days! An emergency cropped up so yeah. Bye people, have fun + take care!!

** Ends Edit **

I rly hate that you are trying to push me out of your life. Don't try to deny it cus it's obvious. I don't know what you want, srsly. You promised me that things will be unchanged and our friendship will just be like normal, but here you are ignoring me and not trying to converse whenever I initate a conversation. I make lame jokes in an attempt to make you laugh, but you just "-.-/._." me and do you know how much that hurts? Because we used to be so close and now you're trying to get away from me because of that one silly fucked-up incident which you started. But you've apologized and I've forgiven you and we talked things out and I thought things were okay. I guess I was wrong.

Sigh if this is what you rly want then I guess I can't stop you, can I? I guess I just have to give up on ever being your friend again, cus this friendship was never the one you wanted. This was never a friendship you wanted to keep.

-

I rly don't understand people sometimes. :/ Sometimes I just don't want to make any more friends because people are so hard to understand and I don't know what they want. I don't know how to cater to my friends' needs and I don't know how to please them and I don't know how to make them happy.

The thing is, I try my best. I try to be the best that I can for them, I try to be the ideal friend that they want. I try, really I do.

It just gets tiring sometimes, just looking out for my friends and not rly taking care of myself and asking myself what I want and who I rly need in my life. I reckon it's time for me to be selfish and just stop caring about what my friends need, and focus on what I need.

And at that one moment when I just slacken, my friend will say that I am not cherishing the friendship and that I am neglecting her/him. And I just don't know what to do. I feel damn mean, but at the same time, I feel rly miserable cus apparently, she/he doesn't care about my happiness as well? That maybe, sometimes, I need to pamper myself and I can't just give in all the time to their petty requests? I mean srsly - will you wake up from your sleep at 3am and sneak out of your house to fetch a friend cus his bike had a puncture in the middle of the expressway and couldn't get anywhere? Alright, maybe some of you will. But man, he said I was a lifesaver - and then the very next day, I rejected his request to go to his house and play basketball with him cus I was tired, he said I am complacent. It's like, wow, thanks, thanks a lot.

It's just...... I can't be there 24/7, y'know? I would love to, and it's not impossible, but I wouldn't have time to myself and how fair is that?

I mean, you guys can't expect me to concede to all your requests right? I alr tried to give you the best of me [sounds so wrong but wtv] but you just can't seem to appreciate it. Everyone always zoom in on my imperfections, and always pointing them out to me. Um right thanks a lot, you just made me feel much better. Yes I know that some people's ways of comforting their friend is to scold sense into them, but telling me that being anorexic is stupid and only insecure and stupid bitches are anorexic won't help me at all. Telling me that being depressed is only for whiners and that going to a therapist is such a loser thing also won't help me at all.

I doubt that's even 'sensible' scolding.

And srsly, just because my views are different from yours doesn't mean you can call me stupid. You can argue your point, but there's no need to insult me, right? Telling me I'm stupid for thinking this way, telling me that I'm blind and heartless for opposing/supporting a particular cause.... how nice can that be?

Some friends even compare me to them, obviously putting me in a bad spot. Like, "Weiling always wear revealing clothes, like short shorts and tiny tees while I am more conservative - I like to cover up." A direct quote. Um like srsly, that's like trying to imply I dress like a prostitute. And you are supposed to be my friend. That's what so incredulous about it.

Man, I don't know. This blows. This fucking blows.